A
female
age
41-50,
*ats513
writes:Hi, please someone help me!!! I've been married for 4 years now and been with my husband for 10 years. We have a 2 year old son and now a 3 week old daughter. The problem is, I'm not sure if ou daughter is my husbands baby?? I had cheated on my husband August 15 and 16, my last period was August 5. I also had sex with my husband on August 13. I'm not sure what to do, if I should get a paternity test or not. I don't want my marriage to fail, I love my husband, even though we've had a rough couple of years....
View related questions:
cheated on my husband, period Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2010): A lot of guys say they are sterile when they are not. Test him and put your mind at ease.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (6 June 2010):
If he is sterile, then it is very unlikely. But there is always a chance.
...............................
A
female
reader, Oats513 +, writes (6 June 2010):
Oats513 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, so I've decided to test the other guy and he agreed to it but he also told me he is sterile. Is there any chance at all I can get pregnant by a sterile man???? I'm so confused now! I should hear about the paternity test within 4 days, I will keep you updated! Thank you for all your responses!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2010): Test the other guy. If it comes back that he (is) not the father, you'll know the truth of your baby's paternity. At that point you can decide how you want to proceed with your marriage.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2010): I'll be real about this with you, you already know what you've done is wrong, so I'm not even going there.
The logical, truthful & most right thing to do, is to tell your husband and get the test.
You don't want your marriage to fail, but my dear you've already failed it by stepping out of it. Be honest, this has nothing to do with wanting to save it, it has to do with not wanting to be found out by your husband & DEALING with the consequences of what you've done. It's evidently eating you up on the inside, because here it is 3 weeks after birth & a 9 month pregnancy, and you're asking us what to do. Honesty is THE BEST POLICY, though it may bring hurt along with it.
Also, like others have stated & God forbid it happen, but if your baby girl was to become ill & needed her REAL father at the moment, what would you do then? I'm honestly not trying to be rude to you, but you came here for advice & I'm giving it the best way I can.
What happened already is bad enough, but at some point you've got to stop being selfish, start thinking about your husband which you claim to love & tell the truth. Put your daughter's need to growing up with the truth ahead of your own desires of secrecy & do the right thing. Own up to it.
I hope the best for you in this situation.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2010): Stealing 20 years of child support money & effort from your husband has nothing to do with his best interests. Lying to your daughter and preventing her from knowing who her real father is has nothing to do with her best interests either.
Keeping this a secret is purely about getting you and your lover off the hook at other people's expense.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (3 June 2010):
A paternity test is the only answer. Don't try risking lying. It's become easier to check up on things like that, and it will become more and more obvious as the child gets older. Especially if she happens to fall ill or something. You need to know, and so does he. And it's better to know now than in fifteen years time when your daughter will understand what has happened. Get it over and done with now. Don't lie, because if it comes out you will be in a an even worse position.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2010): I don't think there is a choice you can't live with this type of lie, Your husband deserves the right to choose if he wants to bring up someone else child it if is, Your child has the right to know who her father is.
There is something else to think about say in years to come you child gets ills and needs something from a family member to help bone marrow or kidney etc, you and your husband get tested to find out if you are a match to help. The tests come back saying he's not the father... what then?
...............................
A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (3 June 2010):
 2 choices, you either get a paternity test and tell him the truth, or you keep it to yourself and never speak of it again. You just better hope she doesn't have red hair when both of you are brunettes. (or something similar)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2010): What I am going to mention now might sound like I completely support cheating on your spouses but that's not it. It depends on a lot of things. Do you still see the guy with whom you cheated on your husband ? Did it matter? Or was it just a rough patch?If it didnt matter and if you know you are never going to do this again, just let it go.
Now if things are normal between you and your husband and if you really love him, Just let it go. Bringing it up will only screw up your life more, your children's and your husband's life. If one thing hidden can do so much good, let it be that way. However, I realise the guilt or the remorse you might be feeling is good enough for you to feeel bad about what happened.. And it is going to haunt you every now and then. All I am saying is that you'd have to live with, as a punishment for whatever you did. Just make it up to your husband and be a good wife from now on. Be a good mother to your children.
You have an opportunity to make it up. Being honest is good. But not this late. I hope this helps
...............................
A
female
reader, Lisa85 +, writes (3 June 2010):
I am kinda going through that same thing the cheating part, if i would ever even get pregnant i would have an abortion right away, but because you allready went through with the pregnancy and had the baby do the paternity test and see what the answer is but without your housband knowing you will feel beter if you know the answer
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2010): Personally I would not say anything. To do so is likely to risk your marriage and deprive both children of a father - even if not strictly biological in the case of your daughter. At some point in the future you may need to explain things to your daughter of course. I'm sure many others on here will do the typical US Mid-west moral thing and tell you to confess but that is easy for them to say. Its your life. I might also confess in a close friend or relative if you have one perhaps? Though even that is risky. Good luck.
...............................
|
