A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my girlfriend for a little over 9 months now. There's some issues though. I care about her, but I really don't know if I care about her. I know it sounds weird, but it's what I've concluded to be the case. I care about her because I'll comfort her for hours if need be and I'm very attatched to her. But I don't care about her because I flirt with other girls, and I've cheated on her.. Twice (just kissing, but still). Not to mention cuddling with another girl. I think of her when and before I do it, but it doesn't seem to really phase me. If I look at this situation objectively, it's obvious that I'm a douchebag and I don't care about her, but I feel I do. She is dead set on loving me, she knows about those unfaithful times of mine, she definitely wasn't happy (understandably) but she's willing to look past them because she claims to be mad in love with me, despite my arguing that we're both only 16. To be fair though, I've told her I loved her too and genuinely believed it but now I'm not as sure (based on my actions). The thing is, I felt bad for it but I don't think as much as I should have, I actually TRIED to cry when I told her. I never actually cried about it. This lack of remorse seems to indicate that I don't care, but I do??? (Or do I? Fuck.) We recently took a week off from seeing eachother, and I have to admit I really enjoyed the freedom, I got to smoke pot with my friends and jazz around town like the good 'ol days. Not like there's anything wrong with my GF because she doesn't smoke, deep down I really want her to. Now this is going to sound more than superficial but it's how I feel. Marijuana was a part of me before we got together, it was a part of me when we got together, and it still is. So that's my argument against quitting for her. I really, REALLY don't want to break her heart because she's such a sweet and innocent girl, plus her family has been so nice to me. After I got fired from Subway her dad offered me a job helping him deliver appliances where he works (for the rest of the summer) he also has helped repair my moped and been very nice to me. Her mom did like me. Not so much now (I think) because she found out how I dabble in psychedellics and wanted her daughter to join me as well. Before that, she's been the sweetest woman to me she cuts my hair for free and has taken me out to eat with them more than once. I just really don't know what to do, my heart, brain, and probably my penis are all duking it out in there and I don't know who's who. I don't even know who's side I would be on if I did. PLEASE feel free to ask more questions about how I feel, I will gladly answer them if it helps us solve this issue.
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female
reader, Plumb +, writes (29 November 2012):
 Your young, you have plenty of time to find someone who you won't have to think twice if you want to be with them or not. Letting her go is the best choice.
A
male
reader, wolfred bane  +, writes (28 November 2012):
 You have to let her Go. She'll probably hate you for it, but It's the best thing you can do for her right now.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 November 2012):
 You just have to be firm. You know you want out...
so tell her "there is someone else"
and you will have to endure her pain and suffering as she cries and whines and begs. it's part of being an adult.. doing painful things.. hurting other people without meaning to.
you can't expect her to do your dirty work.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for the help. But unfortunately, Ive just ended up more confused and frustrated than i was from the start. I've explained it all to her, and even shown her the question. This girl just will NOT give up. Even after a back and forth chat for over 2 hours. She is dead freaking set on the idea of me being her soul mate. She started saying things like "what about all the times you've cried on me?" "what about all the cute notes you've given me?" list goes on. And honestly, it did make me think and it does make me sad. I've been wondering if I'm making the biggest mistake of my life, because she's given me unconditional, such sweet, honest, and comforting love the whole time we've been together. I honestly am closer with her than I have been anyone, and I mean I've shared the stuff I'm not proud of, my somewhat perverse kinks, I never ever used to cry but I have cried on and with her multiple times (not in a while though). Thinking of, and typing this all out right now is really starting to make me ache inside. I'm on the brink of tears. I don't really know what to do. I don't want to throw such a rare thing away, but at the same time, I'm constantly sort of "hinting" that we should break up by saying things like "Do you think I'm good/right for you?" or "All I do is annoy and dissapoint you, really.". But she really believes in us and I mean hardcore. Someone please help me out. One of my personality flaws is I'm VERY indecisive, I'll spend 7 minutes trying to decide which soda to get. So as you could imagine, this is astronomically difficult.Thank you
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 November 2012):
You should end it with her for many reasons.
1. you are cheating on her and at your age that simply means you are not ready to be in a serious relationship. I have to admit if my husband came home and said "I cuddled another woman", I'd pack his bags.
2, you are breaking up and getting back together, that's never good. I don't believe in "taking breaks" and you talk about how happy you were to be yourself that week. clearly you are not able to be yourself with your gf and that's not good.
3. you use drugs and she does not. you need to find a woman who is on the same page as you in terms of what is acceptable use. In other words find another pot-head (but make it one that's using it properly and not ruining her life with it and you do the same) as for the psychedelics, I don't agree with their use and you may be hard pressed to find someone willing to accept your use of them...
4. if you are not sure what do do, then you should take the path of least resistance... trust me this is not the last relationship you will have.... and her heart will heal.
YOU can't be responsible for making her happy.
and I think if you want her to be sane healthy happy and whole and you truly love her you will set her free.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (26 November 2012):
 First off, it's a good thing that you have spend time thinking about doing the right thing. It means you care about her, but perhaps not as a GF, but as a fellow human being. BIG difference there.
Don't try and "make up" reasons to end it with her. The whole she doesn't like me doing marijuana, so we need to quit. I mean, come on man, she doesn't like you doing it because of what she knows about it, what she has heard about it and what she "thinks" she knows. I mean, really... what kind of GF thinks it really cool that her BF is a stoner?
End it with her because in all honesty, she deserves a guy who want to be a better guy FOR her and for himself. YOU want to be YOU no matter what (not that that is bad, but it's not what she needs/wants).
If I may be VERY blunt... There is no future with you for her. A guy who is more into smoking pot/marijuana and TRIES to get his GF to do psychedelics with him, when it's quite obvious that she isn't INTO that. IF she did it - it would be to PLEASE you - and she would properly resent you for down the line and hate herself for it to.
Also the cheating. You know it's wrong, yet you keep doing it. So it should be a strong indicator that you are SABOTAGING the relationship. Do you hope she find out and dumps you? So you won't be the "bad guy" ?
Let her go. Staying with her because having a GF is convenient for you - isn't right.
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A
female
reader, Plumb +, writes (26 November 2012):
I understand completely but from a different veiw of course, but that's besides the point. I think if you have to actually ask yourself if you love her or want to be with her then that should automatically tell you something's wrong. I do also understand that u don't want to leave because of the type if girl she is but staying with her when you don't love her, is just leading her to believe in a lie...I hope you do what you think is right, good luck
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