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I can't trust my girlfriend when she starts drinking!

Tagged as: Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 December 2008) 3 Answers - (Newest, 12 April 2010)
A male United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

last night my girlfriend went out drinking in NYC where we live with her best friend. i was out of town. believe it or not, in our 15 month relationship last night was the first time she's gone out to a bar without me.

i was worried about what might happen. alcohol totally loosens her up, and before we were dating i've seen how she can flirt, and she's made some pretty bad decisions in the past while drunk, decisions about sex for instance that she has hated herself for, so you'd think she'd know how to keep control. when we go out she doesn't listen to me when i tell her she's had enough, and sure enough every time i am right.

anyways, last night she is out and i can't get a hold of her. for three hours she's not responding to my texts or calls - COMPLETELY unlike her. i finally track down her friend's phone number and call that and finally got my GF, who was really drunk. she said she was fine though and will call me when she gets home. ANOTHER 2.5 hours pass, i start calling/texting again and she's not responding. finally i get a hold of her at 230 am and she is PLASTERED, at our apt with her friend and TWO GUYS - strangers they met at the bar and invited back to OUR apt.

i stay on the phone with my GF til they leave and she passes out. this morning of course she calls me crying and sobbing and apologizing and making ME feel guilty that she is upset with herself.

this whole thing pissed me off on SO many levels:

1) blatantly ignoring me, as i stayed up all night worrying about her she clearly didn't care at all.

2) inviting 2 guys up to our apt she's never met before.

WHAT THE HELL was that about? she said her friend liked one of the guys so she was trying to help her friend, and she swears nothing happened with her and any of the guys. either way that is dangerous and as her boyfriend i feel a little betrayed.

i'm worried she has the potential to be an alcoholic. i'm worried sometimes i am taken for granted. and i DO NOT TRUST HER when she is drunk and without me. i don't trust her decision making and i honestly don't trust her faithfulness.

we spoke to today, i was pretty brutally honest though i focused more on how dangerous it was to invite strangers there.

but should i be worried as her boyfriend that she invited guys up there? assume it was perfectly safe, why would she do that?

i don't know, i'm rambling, any opinions would be appreciated. we spoke several times. she feels horrible and i believe her, but i'm not convinced this won't happen again. should i continue to pressure her about it or drop it for now??


View related questions: alcoholic, best friend, drunk, flirt, text

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A female reader, sexy eyes United States +, writes (12 April 2010):

okay friend i think you should just drop it because yes you might love and yes you might think you need her but i dont think she feels the same as you because she wouldnt go out and drink without you because if she really loved you she would have waited for you to get back because if she knew she gets crazy when she drinks she wouldnt have gone without you... but i think you should drop her because you can find better and trust me there is better out there for you you just have to look for it and youll get what you have wanted and you will find what you thought you had in her... lol

From a good friend that doesnt know you lol

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2008):

just tell her to stop or say its over ...

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A female reader, Annieapple United Kingdom +, writes (13 December 2008):

I'm sorry but if you don't trust her you shouldn't be with her. I can see why you are hurt but it's not your place to dictate to her how she should behave. She shouldn't have invited those guys up to your apartment and I can see why you are upset but you can not have a happy relationship with someone you don't trust.

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