A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Well it's time to be honest....I'm 21 and am a loner. I have never had any real social life up till now nor experienced any type of meaningful youth.I stay in my room night after night and my mum is right when she says I don't know how to talk to people. Conversations with me are always stilted and awkward. And to cap it off I'm now starting to have conversations with MYSELF! I know its stupid, but it just happens.I never go out because of my social interaction flaws, but even when I do go out I think everyone is looking at me and I get nervous. It's stupid.The blatant truth is I'm nervous of people.How the hell can I change? Being a loner with no social life is terrible and I need to change!!! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, ourcocoon  +, writes (12 February 2011):
I have the same problem, but I have figured the answer as follows.In communication we should listen OPENLY to the speaker rather than thinking of what we are going to say next. we should naturally help expanding what others say.We often are run by our emotions this is why we have poor listening skills. We as humans are beyond our emotion and feelings. the key to effective communication is understanding the fact that every one of us is a unique individual so when we communicate we should not talk to ourselves.we should look for the good in others in this way we communicate love. To communicate love with others first we should love ourselves.
A
male
reader, sima87  +, writes (9 June 2010):
Well even though I have the same problem as you maybe you can find my advices valuable, check out your life, I am sure that you have interesting stories to talk about, it's just that you haven't find the way to talk about them in a funny and interesting way, start a book called 1001 stories about me, and check out your life, you can add some things that didn't happend that makes the storie more interesting but try to don't lie a lot or in very important things because you will feel bad about yourself, another exercise, carrie always a notebook with you, and whenever you see something interesting write it down, and create an storie about it, you can make exercises like this, choose a thing, and then try to say as much things as you can about it, it can be anything a pencil, a window, etc.
read GOOD jokes and learn them, watch the news, read things of general interest, look for good songs and learn the title, the autor, the year, etc.
Find out something that you really enjoy, and become and expert in that.
Go to dating sites and date people, and don't feel bad if the things doesn't work out, the great majority of the dates in general are designed to fail, because to find a person that match in all levels is not easy, and you will end up having something to talk about.
But the most important thing is to control your thoughts, because they can affect you in a negative such as in a positive way, if thougts like, "I can't talk", "I am boring", "I am making people feel awkard" start invading your mind, try to distract your mind, with other things, you can try to solve a complex math exercise in your mind to focus all your attention on it.
I hope that fix your social life, best wishes from Mexico.
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A
male
reader, Chadz  +, writes (2 May 2009):
Hi,
It sounds alot like you have Social Phobia, or also known as Social Anxiety Disorder. I have the same problem except it came about when I was like 17. I used to have many friends and never had any major problems talking to people or got heavy shy, but as I grew older it became worse. Now I still have those friends but I get nervous talking to them and sometimes dont know what to say. It's really horrible.
But anyway, do some research on social Phobia or Social Anxiety Disorder and look at the symptoms. There are medications out there that can relieve the nervousness or anxiety and programmes to help you socialize better.
Goodluck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2008): I think getting a book or two is a great idea, and I think the idea of getting a therapist or getting counseled once or twice to get you started in the right direction is a good idea also. Unfortunately, everyone doesn't have access to a therapist/counselor (or they don't know it if they do).
I think starting out slowly is wise. Just as anything else. If you wanted to be better at swimming and didn't know how - I wouldn't recommend jumping into the 10 foot side of the pool in the beginning (unless you happen to be 10'2").
Just going to a coffee house (or wherever there are people interacting with other people) with the intention of just going by yourself and leaving by yourself can be great. No interaction need take place at all. If you want to be brave and order/buy something - cheers! Just like the swimming analogy - starting off by watching people swim would be a great place to begin.
I think a major theme in finding where you're going to be most comfortable is to (when you're talking to yourself) ask yourself what you're most interested in. What am I passionate about? There is a place for everyone. Start doing things you enjoy - I think that will naturally lead to finding the places where like-minded people are.
Good Luck, Man.
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A
female
reader, shandygirl +, writes (19 August 2008):
 Read about politics, keep up with the news in the newspaper, read about sports, auto biographies, health, what is going on in other countries, science, history, realestate, etc. When you are Well-read, about these things, you always have something to talk about. Also, learn some jokes. But don't get carried away ALWAYS telling jokes, because it gets annoying. ha ha . My boyfriend was like you when he was your age. Now I can't get him to shut up.
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A
male
reader, LonelyButNotAlone +, writes (19 August 2008):
 I would suggest you see a counselor or a therapist. Talking to yourself and the paranoia you experience might be part of a larger problem that goes beyond "confidence issues." It might even be paranoid schizophrenia, which is something that can be managed with prescription medication.
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A
female
reader, Artistry +, writes (19 August 2008):
 Hi there, Well for starters, because I believe in books, I would go to your nearest bookstore, and look for a book that deals with social interactions, not so much being popular, but just how to connect with people. Speak to the clerk so that they can direct you to the best books. After you read through the book, for at least two or three times, why not see if you can find a web site where people just chat about any and everything Facebook, that kind of interacting site. Lastly I would check out my local library, for small groups who are looking for new members, look at the bulletin board and check out you local newspaper, community activity pages, where there will be many things going on that you can join and be involved with.
Giving of yourself is a good way to meet others who are doing the same, try the Boys and Girls club, where older people mentor youngsters, the other mentors will be a source of friendship, you could ask them for advice, to help you alone with what you will be doing. You will soon be out of your shell and moving along briskly. Start with the book or books and carry on from there. Good luck to you.
Ome more thing, start a hobby, gives you something to talk about, how about photography, and maybe a photography club.
Please stay in touch and let us know how you are doing, jump in the pool, the water is find. Take it easy.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (19 August 2008):
 Are you sure you're not suffering from something like Aspergers syndrome?
I would go to your gp if i was you and explain it. Because sometimes there is a reason for the symptoms you are explaining. And if there is a mediacal reason for it, you might well benefit from professional help. Especially if you know you want to be more sociable, but really do find it hard work!
C xxxxx
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A
male
reader, StudentOfLife  +, writes (19 August 2008):
 You don't need to change, you need to understand yourself more. By understanding yourself, you'll understand others.
I have books that could help you understand who you are.
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