A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I met this girl four months back. She approached me first and asked for my number. Because I was in a hurry, we couldn't talk. She didn't call me, so I rang her five days later. She had forgotten me. I asked if we could meet again and she agreed. We got along very well. I started falling in love with her and we talked about it. She told me that she felt the same. We've been dating for three months.The problem is her ex-boyfriend lives next door to her. I'm afraid she might be seeing this guy, too. We talked about it, but she said she's moved on with me.I love her and can't stand seeing this guy at her place because he is friends with her older brother.What should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2007): Oops..to finish where I left off..
We truely need to look into ourselves and work on the self-love, before getting into relationships. Self-love keeps one well grounded and steady when challenges arise in a relationship. Work on that, hun and I wish you both the best.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2007): Well, there is nothing you can do about this, hun...unless you want to just dump her and then this problem, is gone? And of course...I know that you aren't prepared to do that. So let's take a look at you, because the only way you can change your situation into a more happier one, is for 'you' to really change your perspective of this relationship. When a guy comes on the site and tells me, 1) he's fallen in love with a girl after 3 months of dating her and 2) he's bugged by his gf's ex, then he's jealous and feeling unsafe, I would say to him, "firstly, you think you are in love. But you are infatuated. Real love takes years to get solid and established. Real love means trust-you don't trust. And here you are in a new, exciting relationship and all you can focus on, is your feelings of jealousy and resentment. So Sad! Get it together and stop doing this!"
So just do it! Change your way of thinking. If you can't do this, then cut her loose and don't put her through this emotional workout. It's not her fault that her ex lives next door. It's not her fault that her ex bf is freinds with her brother. If you can focus on the positive, the happiness and appreciate what you have with this new gf, you'll end up creating and building more with her and your feelings will develop into a steady, nice love, someday. But you're not doing that. Because deep inside, your jealousies and resentment of this ex bf, are creeping into your head and they will eventually destroy your happiness with her. I'd get that in check before those negative feelings comes out and you begin unfairly lashing out at her. Instead of thinking about her past...think about only what you share with her, in the here and now. Just remember, the fastest way to lose love is too hold it too tightly. You can't control anyone's life and their pasts nor their way of thinking. But you can change your own way of thinking. Your gf is a free, independent thinker and the best way to keep her with you, is by learning to trust her and shaking off your inner, deep fears of losing her.
Please go that route...and be strong. Make this a healthy relationship and it might help to work on your self worth issues. We truely
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2007): its not her fault that he lives next door,prehaps his in her house because he is very good friends with her brother, try not to worry yourself just think to yourself that you cant stop her brother seeing him as they r friends and start trusting your relationship otherwise you will end up finishing because she will think you dont trust her and it will cause big rows!
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