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I broke off my affair b/c my fella found out. Now I'm thinking of my affair again!

Tagged as: Big Questions, Cheating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (16 November 2006) 3 Answers - (Newest, 19 November 2006)
A female , anonymous writes:

dear cupid

I know it was a terrible thing to do and i feel guilty every day, but this time last yr I was 4months into an affair with a guy from work.

It started as flirting and it ended up getting quite serious, to the point where last christmas i was totally caught between my fella and the guy at work, when i wasnt with let call him 'X' from work, i was constantly thinkin of him, tho i loved my fella. I kinda went totally out of character, but i fell for him. anyway to cut a long story short it had to end my fella knew what had been going on and we were all getting hurt, and so it ended.

Now all of a sudden we've been contacting each other just as mates, but now when im at home i find my self thinking about all that happend and the good times we shared. without meaning to my mind is drifting and i know my attitude tom fella is changing. what do i do why am i feeling this way again? please help xxx

View related questions: affair, at work, christmas, flirt

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2006):

hi guys its me, the one who submitted this. first of all thanks for your advice, dont know wether i made it clear before, the affair lasted 5months in total, and like i said it was a horrible vicious thing, i have never done anything like it and i deeply deeply regret it, so please dont refer to me as 'people like you'. i know i deserve it, also im not thinking of persuing any of my feelings, i would never ever do any thing like that ever again, i do have a heart and a concience - believe it or not. i love my boyfriend with all my heart, i am so glad he forgave me and i am very lucky to have a nice guy - i hurt him once and once was too many times in my eyes as well as yours. i know it was no excuse but i was going thru a very emotional time in my life during the affair which again was another reason it began. knowing in my heart of hearts i would never do anything ever again, thats why i dont understand why it is all playing on my mind again almost a yr after it happened. thats all xx

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A female reader, Arabyesque +, writes (16 November 2006):

Frankly, I think you're a bit of an idiot. You have to pick between X and your boyfriend once and for all. This is a classic case of trying to have your cake and eat it too-- you want stability with your current boyfriend and an exciting whirlwind romance with X at the same time. It's just plain greedy and will just lead to more heartache and melodrama. Time to grow up.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2006):

I don't understand why people like you - people who can't stay faithful to one partner - don't just be open and honest with the person you alledgely "love" and tell them you don't want to be monogamous (being with only one person) relationship.

Surely it would save A LOT of heartache and pain? Some people just arn't cut out to be with one personally faithfully. There's nothing wrong with that. But cheating and lying just hurts others and ultimately yourself.

I just don't get why you don't just be honest with people and stop trying to be like everyone else with the whole monogamy thing. It'll save you so much drama.

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