A
female
age
51-59,
*awnathome
writes:A question for the men out there. My husband cheated on me 3 times that I know of. Anyway the last one got "under his skin" for some reason. He felt or thought that he loved her. He says that thru everything that has happened he has always loved me but I know he told this other woman he loved her and it drives me crazy. He basically got caught after they were only involved for about a month by me finding an email from her. Do you think he feels he loved her because it just didn't get to run its course??? See he worked away from home and lost his job so he had to come back home. He was only home a couple days when I found the email and went back after a week to check on a job and I found out later spent MAYBE a week with her before coming home again. He is home now and has been since the beginning of November. Said he loves me wants our marraige to work but yet snuck phone calls, texts and a few emails in to her throughout Nov and Dec. Finally on Jan 1 he wrote her a goodbye email and I don't think they have had any contact since. I am struggling the most with the fact that he told someone else he loves them. Do you as men really feel that you can love two women?? Will he realize that it wasn't really love but lust? Because they really weren't even together that long. We have been married and together for almost 10 years. I don't know. He is a very quiet man and hard to talk to at times so I just wanted some guy opinions and experiences in this area to try to understand because it is eating me up inside!! Just a side note that we do have a very good sex life, especially now. I know that his affairs started because he had to go out of state for work and felt he wasn't "getting it enough" (how could I when he wasn't with me??). But thru our marriage he has always, always told me he loves me at least once a day. And since he has come home in spite of everything we have been very active in bed. I just don't understand why he couldn't give her up sooner. He once said he felt he was trying to keep evryone happy and that he thought he contacted her still so she didn't feel so used but it still kills me that he couldn't just let go! I so hope that it really is finally over. If I find out that they are in touch again I just don't know if I will be able to hang on anymore to this relationship. I don't want to share him with someone else and even though it cannot be physical with her now, it still is sharing to me.thanks for any help!
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (24 January 2009):
 Do you as men really feel that you can love two women?? Will he realize that it wasn't really love but lust?
Is that your question? My dear god girl, how naive can you be. Men do NOT give a SHIT. Do you really think that a single man who has strung two women along goes soul searching wether he truly loved the other women or it was just lust? No man cares.
It is only women who think there that A: there is a difference between love and lust and B: that such a difference, even if it did exist, matters.
He isn't cheating on you because he loves her. Oh he might, but it is not the reason. He cheats on you because by doing so he gets to satify his needs regardless of how it makes you feel. Wether that need is love or lust or an ego boost or to win a bet, that doesn't matter. He has shown how much he values the relationship with you the moment he made a move on her. Not enough.
The question is not wether he loves her, but how much he loves you. As said, not enough. Not enough to simply resist temptation. He needs sexual release when away from home and has to have it? Come on, this ain't the fifties. Men don't die from blue balls.
I will tell you a little secret that seperates the men from the boys. A boy grows into a man when he has learned to say what women want to hear and what women want to hear is NEVER the truth. He is feeding you a bunch of lines that you want to hear. It ain't the truth, he fucked her because she was available and he did not care enough about your reaction if you would find out, but some crap about wanting to keep everyone happy. How nice, he was only thinking about the happieness of you two girls while he played you both. What a saint.
They say women's noses are more sensitive then mens, so how come they never smell the bullshit being heaped on them?
A
female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (24 January 2009):
 basically he knows that if he cheat, you will put up with it and he can get away with it. He will always love you because you share history together, but the truth is he thinks you will never leave him so he's basically getting his cake and eating it too. He is probably bored and looking for excitement somewhere else. What it comes down to is not what he wants or what is he doing? what about your and your needs? why are you putting up with this abuse. Cheating is a deal breaker in most relationships. It shows a lack of respect for your partner and in some case, lack of love. You probably love him too much and will do anything to keep him... so therefore you are putting up with his BS. Telling someone they love them twice a day and turning around and cheating on them is a contradiction.
Look at what he does ..not what he says. whatever the case.
this is your life. you have to look at what you want and what you will settle for and put up with. good luck
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