A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: My husband and I have been married a year together for two.. When we got together his oldest daughters were moved out and it was just his son.. Well his oldest daughter was living with her boyfriend and his parents. Neither one of them had a job but they decided to have a baby with no money and no place of their own.. This pregnancy was planned.. Well recently their relationship has gone sour and they are no longer together. My husband asked me to let his daughter move into our house and I could take care of the baby while his daughter gets a job.. I said I don't think that is a good idea and that I had already raised my daughters and I didn't want to start with a baby again.. Now keep in mind she already had her mother and her boyfriends parents offering her a place to stay. Well because I didn't want this arrangement my husband freaked.. He said I should do it because I love him?? He treated me like a dog for a day before I said something.. So my question is do you think it is my responsibility to take care of my husbands grandchild??? Was I wrong to refuse that?? He made me feel like our marriage was over because I wasn't willing to do that??Thanks for your responses..
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male
reader, theguy +, writes (17 April 2009):
from a males perspective. I would say you have every right to say no to him due to the fact that a marriage is a PARTNERSHIP. although a marriage also requires sacrifice. if the daughter planned a pregnancy than she should plan on being the primary care giver as well as a mother. im not saying leave her out on the streets with her child im saying that she most likely has a plan. now if the moving back home to be taken care of was her idea then I would say you have every right to say no. but if it was your husbands idea then you guys should probably have a talk.
A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (16 April 2009):
 No I dont think you are being unreasonable... you have had your turn to raise your children and now it is his daughters turn to raise hers!! Considering she wanted to have a baby when she was unemployed shows that she has not considered the consequences and expects everyone to help her out!!
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A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries  +, writes (16 April 2009):
 im sorry but that girl planned to have a child WITHOUT a jobyou've done your children raising and why should you have to look after her child?she's the one who wanted itshe knew the risks of this when she had no job and everything and could risk losing her husband.why should you be the one to bring up her child?she needs to grow up that girl and stop running to daddy.daddy needs to give her a taste of the real world its her child she has to get money to support her and the child herself not expect everyone else to look after it for her.
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A
female
reader, PeanutButter +, writes (16 April 2009):
 I think he cares for his daughter and wants to see the best for her but i dont feel that it should be your responsibility to care for her or the child, no.By all means, if he wants to look after her, let him take care of everything, he may be your husband but he cannot volunteer your services as a "nanny" because it suits him, or her!She,in my oppinion, needs to take responsibility for her own actions, planing a baby with nothing to get you through it financially is childish and irresponsible.She is pregnant, not sick, she can still work, she can also get good childcare while she works when the baby is born so as not to burden you. I had a child at 16, my parents were emotionally supportive but i had little help at all when it came to money or somewhere to stay. They kept me in view so they could help if it became desperate but they let me struggle on my own and let me learn some valuable life lessons.Out of necessity my boyfriend and i struggled on our own, found ourselves a place to live, lived together 3 years and then went our separate ways when i'd had enough of his bullshit.At 18 years old i struggled through raising my son without asking for a penny from myparents or help with anything other than the odd 10 minutes sitting while i ran to the shops. If i can fend for myself at 16, raise a child, without asking for anything, get myself through life, college, uni and work, then anyone can!It is not your responsibility to take care of her child - and you shouldnt feel bad for feeling the way you do.By all means help her out, let her know you guys support her, but remain steadfast in the belief that you have a life too and if you had wanted to raise a baby, you would have had another one of your own. She needs to start acting like an adult.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2009): no, you're completely right. you've had your children and raised them, it's YOUR time now. she decided to have a baby, not you. yes you can babysit the occassional time but its not your responsibilty and it's unfair for your husband to expect this of you.
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