A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I need help. More than ever. I am here all alone with nobody to talk to. I have been with a married man for 2 years. I love him. I truly love him. I know, I am stupid. I have just found out tonight that I am pregnant with his child. He is out of the country on a business trip. He does not want to have any more children at this stage in life. He is married and his children are all grown. I am not sure what to do. I am really afraid. I am really lost. Should I contact him? Should I not tell him? I feel so alone.I do not know what to do!Please don't judge.I just need help. :(
View related questions:
married man Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (11 March 2015):
 So what did you decide to do? This was a very dramatic and unhappy post and it would be nice to see a followup.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 February 2015):
 Well do you want advice on the relationship? It's a no brainer... he's married. he's not available for you and you need to consider ending the relationship.
As for your baby... if you are not opposed to abortion and don't want to give the baby up for adoption or be a single mom (you will be a single mom if you have the baby as he will never be available for you) then I suggest you have an abortion.
there. problem solved.
I know it's not that easy you LOVE HIM.
you WANT him.
you WANT him to drop his wife and his other family and leave them and RUN TO YOU and the baby and spend life with you... NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.
in fact, I can promise you that when he finds out he's going to blow up and blame you... NOT going to be pretty.
so again... which do you want help with... leaving a lying cheater of a man or figuring out if you want an abortion, to be a single mom or put the baby up for adoption?
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (23 February 2015):
And confirm the pregnancy with your gynecologist asap. You are in the 41-50 age range, which puts you automatically into the high-risk pregnancy group.
Would you be prepared to be a single parent to a special needs child? Down's syndrome comes to mind. My grandmother was widowed young and had a child with that syndrome. I never met that uncle, he wound up being put into a state institution because she couldn't cope with her other children and him as a single mother.
See your doctor ASAP and tell him or her your situation and concerns so you have a proper diagnosis and options squared away.
...............................
A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (23 February 2015):
 First things first, take a deep breath and calm yourself. I understand this comes as a shock to you but nothing monumental is going to happen in the next few days (or even weeks). You've got months to prepare whatever you're decision (assuming you're only a few weeks pregnant).
I strongly recommend you give yourself some time to come to terms with this before telling the father. Your lover has his own agenda and will be thinking of HIS future, not yours so you're not going to get an objective opinion from him. And if his initial reaction is harsh and unfavourable, you, in your current state of mind, will be less equipped to handle it.
You can start investigating the options. For example, how much does an abortion cost? Is any of it covered by the state medicare? How far in advance do you need to book it? What sorts of things do you need to do to prepare for it?
You could do some research on pregnancy and childbirth in case you choose to go ahead with it.
I'm not advocating any one choice over another, but gathering information will empower you and give you something to do in the meantime instead of just sitting there working yourself up into a lather.
It really shouldn't be a shock to either of you because you both know where babies come from. This is a good time to take stock of your life and make some much needed changes.
I think it's also a good idea to consider his wife and children. No doubt you haven't given them much thought before. Finding out one's husband keeps a mistress is bad enough, but to discover he's had a child with her is even more painful.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (23 February 2015):
Do you want to be mother? Are you one now? Are you married?
Answer those questions first, the rest follows from that.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2015): The fact that you love him does not have anything to do with the fact that he is a cheater who is about to father a child. I understand your feeling of loneliness because your pregnancy is suppose to happen with a man present in your life. The fact that he isn't is your responsibility because you chose a wrong man.Be that as it may, you should worry, not about him but about your baby and when your baby is born you will not be lonely. You should not worry about him and what will happen to him because that is something he should have thought of prior to having an affair with you. You need to accept the fact that choosing a wrong man has undesirable consequences but the fact that there is a consequence that child inside you deserves the best irrespective what bad decisions on part of his parents have brought him to life. Therefore, you need to own up to your past, and go undoubted planning how to raise that child. To be blunt... You may undergo pressure by him to abort the child but that pressure, in addition to being a cheater and home wrecker, makes the guy you "love" also a life wrecker and I hope you stand firm and DEFEND your child's life that is growing inside you. Just be brave and stand by your child.
...............................
A
male
reader, dayvide  +, writes (23 February 2015):
 This is a really big issue and I think you should tell your boyfriend so you both should talk about it.. The question is do you really want the child and are you sure that will not cause issues with your boyfriend's family.. You need to know if you would be able to handle the stress.. Tell him maybe you both can find a common ground on the issue. All the best
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (23 February 2015):
 The only sure fire way for you boyfriend to not father any more children would have been for him to be celibate, and he wasn't so now he is about to be a daddy again, oops!
For the moment the fact he is married needs to be taken out of the equation while you decide what is best for YOU.
You could of course terminate the pregnancy. That is one option, your second option is to have the baby and give it up for adoption.
The third option is that you go through with the pregnancy and raise the child.
It is very important that you realise whatever option you choose you are going to have to deal with your decision for the rest of your life.
If you opt to go through with the pregnancy and raise the baby whatever the father does, you are going to be a single mother. You need to consider that very carefully, have you room in your heart for a child who you are going to be responsible for 24/7 for the next 18 years? Can you support a child financially, have you got a family to be there when you need some emotional support and who will be willing to embrace this child and love it to the best of their capabilities?
If you decide yes, you are ready to be a parent then congratulations ............. time to discuss the father.
Regardless of if he wants more children or not he is going to get one. The decision is his whether he is part of the child's life or not, but the decision for him to support the child financially is out of his hands, he has a legal (not just moral) responsibility.
If you have the child take the father to court for maintenance.
Please, whichever option you choose, 1, 2 or 3 you will need to seek advise from a medical professional, who may be able to help you weigh up the pros and cons of each option.
Whichever you choose I wish you well.
...............................
|
