A
female
age
26-29,
*addiee-maii
writes: i have posted for help before about my twins i had at 14 http://www.dearcupid.org/question/struggling-to-cope-.htmlwell me and my boyfriend have since got back together three weeks after i posted that question. I have the implant in, so i didnt expect to fall pregnant, but i am 9 weeks pregnant. I have my first scan at 12 weeks. I dont know what to do with having a disabled son and a daughter to care for can i really cope with another baby while holding a job down, doing couses at home and looking after a disabled child that will never leave home and i will look after him to the day i die, i really dont know what to do, i am only young. And what happens if its twins again! i am paniking seriously. i think abortions are wrong but do you think its the best thing? i dont think i could give my baby up for adoption either? help please
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2010): you are doing a great job sweetie and i know you will do all you can for these children. hang in there and do what you feel is best. to those of you who have been so quick to judge...she was using birth control. as a woman who had 9 pregnacies while using birth control, i just want to say...you dont know if you havent walked in her shoes. i know what its like to fall pregnant while doing everything to prevent it and the last thing you need is someone telling you what you SHOULD have done and how IRRESPONSIBLE you have been. she was responsible, as was i. however some of us are very, very fertile. so be kind and speak sweet words, for you may have to eat them... hugs, mal
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2010): Hi maddiee-maii,
That sounds like a great idea, like I have said before you are doing a great job, you have had so much thrown at you, but you are coping and taking steps to improve life for you and your family.
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female
reader, maddiee-maii +, writes (2 July 2010):
maddiee-maii is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni am 18 my mum died when i was 4 and i lived with my antie who chucked me out when i fell pregnant at 14
thankyou for the top few posts you read my other artical and helped alot. I am trying to provide a life for my twins i am doing corses from home and work on a night now my boyfriends back, my boyfriend works as a bilder. I am not on as many benifits as i used to be on now me and him are together and i have a job but i get help with paying a nanny to help me with james.
i do care about my children, they are my world and i will carry on to do my best by these children. Abortion isnt an option not when i have two toddlers it just wouldnt be right. I got told there is such thing and fostering where someone will foster my baby until i have got a decent wadge and my life on track for a year until i finish my corses i need. I am tranning to be a midwife. but somthing inside of me is saying i cannot give this baby up in the most precious years he/she will have
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reader, maddiee-maii +, writes (2 July 2010):
maddiee-maii is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni am 18 my mum died when i was 4 and i lived with my antie who chucked me out when i fell pregnant at 14
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female
reader, kitty-cat=]  +, writes (1 July 2010):
![kitty-cat=] agony aunt](/avatars/4e276644-588c-43d2-bf37-fe35b92660b5.png) maybe an open adoption? you can still see your children and watch them grow up without being responsible for them. im sorry your going through some rough times but you can handle it or it would't have happened. you seem like you really care about your kids im amazed with your courage and even though you made some bad decisions your tough enough to stick it out. you should be very proud. hope everything works out :)
congratulations on the baby!
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2010): I don't really see you as the type to abort the baby. It seems you are against this and if you didn't abort at 14 with twins I can't see you chosing to abort at 18 with another child. So I think what you are really trying to decide is to keep the baby or give it up for adoption. Adoption really isn't a bad thing, I know a ton of wonderful children who have been adopted and are very happy. Anyone would kill to have a baby to adopt. My mothers a social worker and anytime a baby comes to be adopted they always find a home within the first day for potential adoptees. So if you decide to go with adoption know that this isn't a bad decision. Your child would have a good life. Your other option is to keep your child. If you decide to do this you have to look at how it impacts you and your other two children. Will your sister still be helping you? Will the Father be helping? How much income will be coming into the household? Don't worry about the stigma of being on welfare or foodstamps either. I know your other post mentioned your embarassment of this. To tell you the truth my mom was on food stamps when I was born after my father left us. A single mother with a baby, let alone two or three, it a very hard position. But today my mom and I have a great life and she makes a nice salary. Everyone goes through hard times, they don;t last forever. I'm curious what about the Fathers family? Do they want to be involved with the kids? That might help with money issues and care for James. Just consider the options. Make a list if you want of what you would gain and what you would lose in each senario. Also make a list of what your unborn child would gain or lose in each senario.
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reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (29 June 2010):
 No, no, people - now she's 18 or 19 - according to the other question she posted. She WAS 14 when she had the twins, but it's been a few years since then.
I think you got great advice, sweetness, I just wanted to clarify for the other aunts and uncles. Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2010): Would just like to add that it's amazing you are doing courses to benifit yourself, your a really amazingly strong person who seems very mature mentally for her years. Well done :D
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2010): This is a heart rendering situation, I feel very concerned about you, and for you. Whatever is happening in your life, you are obviously not receiving the guidance or help you need to make responsible decisions, and that worries me even more.
Ok you already have a child ( children ) so you must have been sexually active around 12, 13 or so, way, way too young, you are only a child yourself, but these things happen, and can happen, but you should have learnt by that experience, especially as your child is disabled. So already your life is extremely tough, emotionally and physically, when you've not matured yourself.
No one can tell you what your should do about your unborn child, whether to have an abortion (yes this is an option) or to put the baby up for adoption. This unborn is potentially another child you will NOT be able to look after and offer all the guidance and care it needs to grow up with all the chances it needs and deserves in life. This is fact, and it is no point in faffing around the issue.
Couples with good jobs, enough money, living in a nice home can have problems bringing up children, as it is a very responsible and time consuming job for parents. You are already struggling, quite understandably, and as you know coping with another child, or twins, would be too much for you, then you have already answered your own question.
Abortion is one option, as to have this child, it will NOT be given all it deserves and needs in life to grow up with a sound and stable background. Sorry, this is tough love, in an attempt to help you see you have to start taking FULL responsibility for YOUR own life, BEFORE you can bring children into the world. Sadly, you are far too young to shoulder this, as proven already, by being pregnant a
second time within a couple of years.
The other option of course, is adoption, but you would need to ask yourself would it be harder to go the full nine months, give birth then say goodbye, or have a termination within the safe environment of doctor and nurses in a hospital. You could then TRY to start afresh by paying attention to your own life, the child ( children) you already have, giving them and yourself the best possible chance for a secure future.
Whatever decision you arrive at, you MUST take better precautions for this NOT to happen again, we live in a world where contraception is freely available, there is just not a single reason why anyone should be pregnant if they choose not to be. Yes, I understand you've said you have an implant, but they take some time to take effect, and therefore you should have used condoms perhaps as well for a while. You have to STOP having babies, and start making a life for yourself that does not revolve around' sex and having children' this is vital for you and the children you already have.
We have to grow up ourselves first before coming parents so we can pass on our wisdom and experience of life to our children, and you sweetie, are still just a child yourself.
Please, please seeks some professional advice..
Jilly x
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2010): You would think you would have learned after having twins at 14! you need to stop having sex all together until you are FULLY PREPARED on all levels, including emotionally & financially! you have already given up your own childhood to raise babies. im sure youve heard it all before but you need to be more responsible. you and your boyfriend need to keep your pants on and spend time with your children. hopefully you have a good support system at home and they will continue helping you through this. good luck to you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2010): Your a few years younger than I am and I could never imagine being in your position now, much less at 14.
Taking care of three kids at your age, one disabled, its unimaginable and not only would it strain you even more, but it might not be in the best interest of the kids.
I'm sorry to say, that you might want to think about abortion. If you think that you can handle it emotionally, than it might not be such a bad idea.
However, if you think that you can handle being pregnant again and giving up your child later, that may be a better option.
I know it will be hard but you have to think of what will be best for the kids you already have. It might even be good for the future baby to give him/her a different enviorment, with older parents.
Good luck, I hope you can find guidence in some of these answers...
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2010): I think I remember posting on your previous post. You have are coping with a lot but you are still trying to make progress with your life, with working and doing courses, a lot of girls your age don't you should be proud of yourself
This is such a personal decision, you have to live with whatever you decide. If you think abortions are wrong, then that leaves with two choices, keep it or adoption, which do you think you would handle best?
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female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (29 June 2010):
 You might not WANT to give your unborn child up for adoption, but since you are in no position to adequately care for a new baby and nor is it fair to expect your parents to raise the new little one. They have already brought you up, after all.
There are many couples who would love to have a baby, but are unable to. Please, think of what would be in the child's best interests: a loving home with two parents.....as you say, you're only 14, much too young to have already had one child, let alone twins......but what's done is done.
You really MUST pay attention to your own life. You have to think about your future, as well as what would be best for the new one.......
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2010): Could you/would you give a baby away for adoption? You must consider that it might not have a great life if it's parents can't look after it!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2010): will your parents help you? and wow you must be a strong woman, to have twins at 14! good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2010): You're 14. Not trying to be Captain Obvious here, but if you cannot support children, you shouldnt be having unprotected sex.
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