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female
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anonymous
writes: Dear Cupid, I have been married for 9 months now to myhusband who I genuinely thought I love. We have been together for 3 years in total. Since we have been together I have always used a local gym and have fancied a guy that attends the gym for about two years. Of course I have never intiated anything as have been with my current husband and the guy in question also had a girlfriend. I have never spoken to the guy. Recently we were out for my husbands birthday and we bumped into this guy in a bar, I approached him to say hi as had had a few drinks and told him we were out for my husbands birthday and asked where his girlfriend was. He replied that they had separated since 4 months. I had severe palpitations as though I was single. Meanwhile my husband in a jealous rage approached us and asked me what I was doing. The guy in question is definitely my dream man physically although I find my husband attractive. I was highly embarassed and apologised and left with my husband. A few weeks later we were out in the same bar without my husband and with a group of girls. The man in question was also out and spotted me and smiled, to say I had my heart in my throat was an understatement. Later I walked passed and he smiled and apologised for not introducing himslef the previous time. Basically we then spent two hours locked in conversation during which time I confessed to him that he was the most physically perfect man I have ever met and he said that he couldnt believe I had said that and that I was completely beautiful and stunning. He asked how long I had been married and at that point I really wished that I wasnt. Basically that was a week ago, my husband has been away for a week and all I have been thinking about is the other chap. I feel like he is my soulmate although I know its ridiculous. I have constant butterflies and my sex life with my husband has seriously deteriorated with constant crazy thoughts about running off with this man. I have been constantly visiing the gym where I know he goes in the hope of bumping into him. I feel tremendous guilt at having these feelings, but I know as soon as I see him my heart will be in my throat again. Pleaseplease help me with some advice as to how to proceed? This man of course knows I am married and other than thinking I find him attractive of course doesnt have a clue about my feelings.
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jealous, sex life, soulmate Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Lostandalone  +, writes (19 June 2006):
 I think you're throwing away love for lust. Is it really worth it? Obviously to you it is. Imagine having someone to hold and kiss when you feel your worst and to love you when you toothless and those certain parts don't work as well as they used to. Now imagine having a amazing night with a man and having a 5 second orgasm and losing that love that you not only vowed to but essentially need. Now, is it worth it. Everything that glitters is not gold and the grass may be greener but the landscaper quit mid job. Be strong love your husband. You didn't marry him because he has an amazing body but because you love him and he loves you unconditonally. Looks fade but love last forever. Luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2006): Love at first sight is easy to understand, it's when you have been looking at each other a lifetime it becomes a miracle.Take a look at your husband and remember what attracted you to him in the first place, then ask yourself why he deserves to be hurt so that you can experience the perfect body... bit selfish aren't you?
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A
female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (19 June 2006):
 It is completely normal to have these thoughts about other people when you are in a relationship already! Nobody said life was easy. Don't act on this crush, it will pass. You don't know him well enough to love him, it is a crush and it will pass. I know it is exciting-but think about what you will be throwing away if you make the mistake of following this through! Because it is forbidden you will feel very intense.
Oh and if you do act on it do your husband the curtesey of dissolving your marriage first.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (19 June 2006):
 It seems to me you are bored with your marriage if you are happy to throw it away on a fling with gym guy. Maybe the honeymoon is over but you made your vows with your husband for a reason. You cannot help being physically attracted to the man at the gym. You can choose not to go to that gym - putting some distance between you and your fantasy man will just to cool down your hormones. Lets face it, if your gym man went along with a fling then he would just be cheap and nasty - decent people just don't get involved in others marriages. Marriage requires a certain level of maturity and self control to work - it takes a better person to make a marriage work than to get a divorce at the first opportunity or run off with someone else. You should take a good look at what is wrong in your marriage and try to fix that - having sex with gym guy will not fix your marriage as you will end up being used by a beautiful man who may have lots of 'flings' at the gym...if he was such a fantastic catch then why doesn't he have a long term wife or girlfriend???
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