A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years and we have been in a long distance relationship for exactly a month now. The first two weeks going really good, he would even stay friday nights in his home to Skype with me! I thought ''wow, this is great''. Lately he has been going out (clubbing) more and more and I get extremely jealous, I know I shouldn't but I do. Even if I try to not say anything and be okay with it, I always end up getting angry at him and we fight. Yesterday he called me controlling and cynical, that I am crazy because to me, if he has a good time when i am not around, he is doing a bad thing.I couldn't help but cry. I know I am this way, I wish I wasn't but I never thought he would say it to my face.I just feel really sad that he seems to be having so much fun since I left. I am the type of girl who likes staying in watching movies instead of going out to a party and we rarely went out when we were living in the same city. I have no friends here yet, and I was basically forced to move as I am underage and have to go every place my mom goes.My question is, how do I stop feeling jealous? I know there is no magical remedy but I would love some advice, anything is helpful.Also, I can't stop thinking about what he said to me, how do I get over it? I am a very resentful person.
View related questions:
jealous, long distance Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 March 2012):
 To be honest if you guys are so young and in different countries I do not hold out much hope for this LDR surviving...
I am 52 and we were 2 hours apart and for the one year we were LDR we nearly died especially towards the end...
You really have to just get on with life... let him go and have his fun and prep yourself for him meeting someone else.
I would tell him you are aware that the odds are not good and you want him to be honest with you... it will hurt but it's better that way.
YOU need to relax a bit and make friends where you are... it will make it easier for you...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2012): Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to reply, i really appreciate it!
I do agree that he has the right to have fun but it's killing me that him having fun involved alcohol... it makes you do stupid things, it changes you. My bf is 20 and the legal age in his country is 18 btw. I am very concerned about this because as much as I trust him, alcohol could make him cheat on me...
I'll just see how it goes, I'll definitely try to control myself and see how it works for me, if it's too much pain, i'll have to give up the relationship. i really love him and we have been through soooo much together and i just hope it doesn't have to end, I just feel like he's drifting away and it's killing me. But yeah, i'll talk to him and see what he says. wish me luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, Wisdom  +, writes (27 March 2012):
 This maybe difficult to understand, When I was your a long time ago I was forced to move away from my then boyfriend. At such a young age nothing we say will make it feel any better. Its painful and it hurts. Now with regard to your boyfriend, if you really love him I would think you would want him to have fun and do the things he likes? Sitting infront of skype all night is not ver exciting is it? Maybe you could talk to him about having one night a week of Skype date night or something? That way you give him the freedom to do what he likes doing, you look like the ultimate "cool" and relaxed girlfriend becuaswe your not freaking out over little things (we are assuming he is not cheating on you).
In the meantime do all that you can to make new friends where you are now, THis will help you settle and adjust and your boyfriend will see that you are a strong and indipendent youg woman and not a sobbing mess.... No man wants a sobbing mess.
This pain and stuff will pass im time. Trust me. before you know it your boyfriend and you will be in a great routine and you will be far more relaxed than before. Hopefully with a whole new bunch of friends around!
Best of luck
Wisdom
...............................
A
female
reader, Wisdom +, writes (27 March 2012):
This maybe difficult to understand, When I was your a long time ago I was forced to move away from my then boyfriend. At such a young age nothing we say will make it feel any better. Its painful and it hurts. Now with regard to your boyfriend, if you really love him I would think you would want him to have fun and do the things he likes? Sitting infront of skype all night is not ver exciting is it? Maybe you could talk to him about having one night a week of Skype date night or something? That way you give him the freedom to do what he likes doing, you look like the ultimate "cool" and relaxed girlfriend becuaswe your not freaking out over little things (we are assuming he is not cheating on you).
In the meantime do all that you can to make new friends where you are now, THis will help you settle and adjust and your boyfriend will see that you are a strong and indipendent youg woman and not a sobbing mess.... No man wants a sobbing mess.
This pain and stuff will pass im time. Trust me. before you know it your boyfriend and you will be in a great routine and you will be far more relaxed than before. Hopefully with a whole new bunch of friends around!
Best of luck
Wisdom
...............................
A
female
reader, LovelyLemon +, writes (27 March 2012):
 Jealousy is a very normal feeling, but it is how you handle it that matters. You can't stop your guy from going out and having fun, but if you don't trust him then that's another problem entirely. He should at least make an effort to respect your feelings, like maybe setting aside a night for the two of you to skype, like you did before. If he can't do that, then it sounds like he is drifting. He is right that he should be able to go out and have fun, but you also deserve some of his attention. If not, then what would be the point of even being in a relationship? Let him know that you want him to enjoy himself, but that it makes you sad that he doesn't seem to want to give you much time anymore. Try to be calm and not fight, just have a mature discussion about where the two of you feel the relationship is going and what both of you expect from one another.Much love and Best wishes
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2012): He does have a point that he should be able to go out and have fun without you being there. Clubbing however, is a completely different story. Guys go to clubs to get laid, it's as simple as that. (Which is actually a little confusing because most clubs have 21+ OR 18+ age restrictions). Unfortunately in younger relationships, LDR's are like death sentences; out of sight is out of mind. Don't take this as a bad thing though, moving to a new area gives you plenty of opportunities to meet new and (better) guys, and to have a fresh start at life. Don't be tied down in an LDR...unless you really see it going somewhere in the future..
I wish you the best of luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2012): I am the person who asked this question, forgot to add that he takes forever to reply my messages when we chat and that makes me feel so unwanted and angry! However, if i tell him it bothers me he says I shouldn't feel upset about it, maybe he's right but I can't help but feel bad about it, any ideas on how to stop feeling like this too?
...............................
|
