A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Okay, first of all I know I've been stupid but I really need advice! I'm 20 and left school about 3 years ago and during my last two years I developed a huge crush on one of the teachers. I am now engaged to a different guy but about two weeks ago I saw this teacher's profile on a website and we got talking again. We sometimes talk all day, over the phone, IM whatever, and I've even been to the school and kissed him a few times. I know I should probably end all contact with him but I can't. It's a fantasy come true and I think I'm in love with him.I want to tell him how I feel but that'll probably just scare him away, and at the same time I don't want to ruin what I have with my fiance. He even said he loves me over IM but I'm not even sure if he was joking or saying it in a friendly way.I've never been so confused in my life! What should I do? Is it possible to just be friends with him? He's great company, too.Thanks for your help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2008): You really seem to like this teacher but in your post you didn't really talk about how you feel about your fiancé. You really don't have to get engaged at 20 - I'm thirty and got engaged for the first time two weeks ago!
Talk to your fiancé about how you're feeling. If you really don't want to be tied down, the fairest thing is to tell him and let him find someone else.
A
female
reader, this_years_love  +, writes (9 October 2007):
 As hard as it may be here are some imprtant things you need to consider:
1-although you are an adult at 20, consider if your relationship with your fiance is something that is working righ now or something that will work in the long run. remember that marriage is FOREVER..not just when it's convinient.
2-People change constantly. You are fresh out of your teens and although you may very well be quite mature and capable of having a serious relationship..you need to consider that as you experience more of life, you will grow and mature-cn you see yourselves growing apart or closer?even more you will change your views on life-when you are 30 will this person still be the one you see yourself with another ten years down the road?
3-although it is important to keep your partner's feelings in mind...makesure you are getting what you need too. if you have a feeling the problems in your relationshp that would lead you to another man CAN be worked out-do so...BUT WITHIN THE RELATIONSHIP. going outside of a relationship to solve the problems is never the answer. you two are partners within this and need to work together.
best of luck, hope this helps
xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2007): I don't mean to be rude but I have to say this...its women like you who break good men hearts and cause them to be unfaitful in there future relationships. Tell himw what you did. He new what you where doing......and if you cared about him well loved him you shouldn't have been talking on the phone all day and gave up stuff up to another man!!!!! He must not be that man you wanna spend the rest of your life with cause you would have never did it! Your teacher!!!! He just wanted to hit it!! He aint thinking about a real relationship..I guess you will find out the hard way! And don't think about still marrying him with this secret cause carma is a bit*ch!
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (5 October 2007):
 The first thing you need to do is be honest with your boyfriend. He is innocent in your tangled web of deceit. It's not fair to him, and it's not fair to walk down the isle to get married with this secret. Great you have a fantasy, we have all had fantasies, if we were selfish and went after them, there wouldn't be marriage.
You are disrespectful to yourself, your boyfriend and your engagement. Think about what you want and make a choice. A kiss is cheating. You are screwing over the guy you say you want to marry.
There should be a private island called "cheaters" island, but all of you on there so you wouldn't have the chance to hurt someone who wants to marry you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2007): break off your engagement , you are just going to hurt your fiance .
If you truly loved your Fiance and were devoted to sharing a life together you would not be in this situation.
You are still very young, why do you want to get married and tie yourself down, . Be truthful with your fiance allow him to get on with his life. You just dont sound ready to get married, so why do it? Nobody has to get married at 20 or 21 these days, you have your freedom , enjoy it. Try and keep the broken hearts down to a minimum.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (5 October 2007):
 Break off your engagment. Be honest about what you are doing with both guys. Stop using these guys.
-Frank B Kermit
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