A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupids,I am confused. I need advices for me to move on. I’ve seeing this guy for almost 2 months. He never told me he liked me, but he kept calling me “hon” and he was nice to me, and always wanted to hang out with me. For the past 3 days, we spend evenings together. I never slept over, but we made dinner and watch movies. We have kissed, and I was always in his arms when we were watching movies.I thought he was different from all the other bf I have had, because he never told me he liked me or asked me out. I had fun with him, but I bear a lot of pressure because I was not sure where our relationship was going.Now I recall it, I think I’ve always known the answer, which was “he was just not that into me”. I was begging the answer I wanted and almost lost my own judgments.Yesterday, I finally let my tears out. I told him I was stressed out because I had no idea what we were. I’ve asked him that question because but in a testing format. For example, I’ve asked him if he was playing me or “it’s not like we are going out right?” He told me he wasn’t playing me and he said we were not going out.Yesterday, after I told him I was stressed out and confused, he said then knew I was testing him when I asked “It’s not like we are going out right” He thought it was a rhetorical question, which meant that I was telling him that I didn’t want to go out with him, and that was why he never said anything. The atmosphere was cute for a moment. He smiled at me, made me think that he wanted to ask me out. I gave him for time but he didn’t say anything. Instead, he drove me back. In his car, he told me he was that kind of person who would not do something when he felt he was being forced. I thought he meant I was forcing him to ask me out so I told him I wasn’t. To be honest, I am nothing worse than he. In fact I am so much better that my friends always ask me to stop seeing him because I deserved better. I want him to ask me out but I felt disgraced that he thought I was forcing him to ask me out. There was the silence for a while. I asked him what he was thinking. His answer was, ”let’s make it simple” I asked him what he meant by ”make it simple” he said ,”simple, let’s be friends.”I was doomed. So for all the time I’ve spent with him and all the things I’ve done with him (I don’t mean sex. I never had any form of sex with him, just kiss and cuddling), he told me he just wanted to be my friend. He bought some pears and a box of cake for me we were doing grocery shopping together. I told him I didn’t want those pears or cake. He accepted the pears but he didn’t want the cake because he would never eat something like that. I walked away and he left the cake outside of my apt and drove away angrily.After coming back home, I deleted his msn, text msgs, and phone number. I also wanted to delete the emails he sent me but I couldn’t. =( I want to move on, but I know deep down, I am hoping he will come back to me to ask me out. I am so stupid.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank everyone for your advice. I am glad I deleted all his contact information. Something comforting happened tonight. I went to dinner with a friend. We talked a lot during dinner and he told me he had been having this crash on me and he wanted to be my bf. He said it was ok I was preoccupied; he would give me more time. I know I won't go out with him but I am glad there is someone who values me and treats me seriously. =) I still miss him though, he used to look at me in such a cute way that I cannot believe all he wanted was sex. That’s the past though. I will try to move on. Thank everyone for your support
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2009): This guy played with your emotions, and you are not stupid. You have feelings for him, but you knew it was not meant to be. I agree with Army Medic that he played with your feelings for way too long, and that you deserve more respect then that. As friends, you don't kiss or cuddle, because it does usually lead to something else so I have a feeling this guy just wanted to hang around and get lucky with you, if you let him. Take it one day at a time, but you are smart for knowing it wasn't right with him. This is going to hurt, but I doubt he will come back to ask you out. Your friends are looking out for you and its good you have them. They are right as you deserve so much better. As much as this hurts, you have to move on and take it for what it is. It gets better, but you did the right thing and now its time for you to focus on yourself. More importantly, cut your communications with him completely. You will be hurting right now, but in the long run you will be glad you did that. Another guy will come along, and give you more respect then what he gave you. If he does come back, be careful and make sure his intentions are quite clear. If the first time didn't work, then the second won't either. It is better you be with someone who cares for you and respects you.
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A
male
reader, Joexy  +, writes (12 April 2009):
 You are not. Dont worry he will come back. But he comes dont be angry or shy to him, talk to him as you normally do, but if he proposses outing, pretend to reject it. So that he will not think that, that was what annoyed you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2009): Hey. No you are not stupid. You found feelings for somebody and I have done everything right. You were careful, honest and forthright (you did everything as you should) and by all accounts it sounds like for the most part he has too.I would say it is hard to be friends with somebody when you like them greater than that. I would let yourself feel angry that what you want is not happening, (direct the anger to writing or yelling) and then just reminder yourself that the PERFECT person for YOU will not want to JUST BE FRIENDS, the PERFECT PERSON for YOU will want to be YOUR boyfriend. What you lost is a nice guy, but you did not lose something as you truly never had that with him. lICK YOUR WOUNDS AND RECOGNIZE YOU ARE ONE STEP CLOSER TO SOMETHING MORE APPROPRIATE FOR YOU. gOOD LUCK
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic  +, writes (12 April 2009):
 You are not stupid, this guy has been playing with your emotions for far too long. But you are right you need to move on and find a new guy who will respect you rather than hang around hoping he will get laid some time soon.
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