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I am caught in the middle of a boy I like and my female friend

Tagged as: Friends, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (9 October 2018) 1 Answers - (Newest, 11 October 2018)
A female United Kingdom age 16-17, *namorata writes:

I'm in a pretty tough situation and I don't know what to do. I'm in a friendship group of three people. My closest friend who is a girl and a guy that I have become closer to as he is really close to her aswell. I have feelings for him and have done since we became close again him. As the girl is/was my best friend she knew. This girl is a really complicated person who's been through so much in her life and I think she's been depressed for a while. When we'd go to her house often we'd end up sitting in silence and after a while she'd go and lie in bed and it would become a bit awkward. She eventually after a while of this happening said to me that she didn't want to hang out as a three anymore because she felt like I was being awkward when we'd sit in silence. The problem with me is that I'm quite shy and a closed book and I don't like talking about my problems and emotions so I never really have in our years of friendship which makes me feel like I've been a really bad friend.

I also don't feel awkward when theres silences but i dont know if thats just because im a quiet person. To be honest I never felt awkward apart from a few occasions where she was in a foul mood and just went in her bed or would leave the room for ages. She told me that the reason she left the room was because we sat saying nothing and the second she'd leave the room she'd hear me and the boy start speaking and laughing. I can't tell if I'm being blind and I have been acting awkward but i honestly didn't think I was.

Anyways over summer she spoke to me about it a couple of times and I told her that I was going to try and stop liking the boy. I never spoke about liking him to her for weeks and weeks and when I did we had a huge conversation about everything but it didn't get resolved. She said to me that she'd only hang out with me or the boy if she was alone with one of us. After this once we were at school I'd put in effort to not be awkward around her and the boy when we were together but she just looked like she was in a mood and left. After that I wouldn't really go with them together because she'd made it clear that she wasn't going to hang out with us if we were together. So since I know that she has little other friend and that she's depressed I felt that I had to take a step back and give her space because in our conversation she was saying that she wanted to go home more and be alone more. So I did this and didn't we didn't speak for like a week then I messaged her asking to meet so we could talk and after a while we did but the conversation went similarly to the other one and still nothing was resolved. She said I could be with her and the boy if I stop being awkward but I honestly don't see how I have been. After that conversation I gave her space still then messaged her asking to come to mines after school during the week. She didn't open it for a few days so I asked her in person and she said maybe then left. Around that time I'd noticed in the few times I was in a group of people and she was there she looked really angry and moody and always left at some point.  Over this month of me not seeing her I've been alone for most of it apart from little social interaction in school and with family but apart from that I have no one. I feel so lonely all the time and I just want everything to be ok with her. The last few days have been worse though I was in a group of 4 including her and the boy and the boy walked away with the other friend and we were left alone and she didn't even look at me she just walked away. I think she feels like I value the boy more than her which isn't true I just don't know what to do at all. He asked me today why we'd fallen out and I told him I'd tell him when we next get drunk and he said he'd try to meet me this weekend. I'm going to tell him I like him and outline why the girl is annoyed with me. I feel like I need to speak to her first but I don't know what to say or do. I'm so alone and I have no real friends that I can talk to about any of this. Someone please help:(

View related questions: best friend, depressed, drunk, shy

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (11 October 2018):

Honeypie agony auntHonestly?

If you are at someone's house and they (RUDE) leave to go be by themselves, WHY stay? Why not say OK she obviously doesn't WANT me here and then leave?

I would. I certainly wouldn't STAY if the host LEFT the room to go be "alone". Because that is just strange. You don't go hang out with a 3rd person at someone's house.

She LEAVES the room because she isn't the center of attention. Like a 3 year old.

So what can you do?

1. tell the guy that the girl think you are too awkward. Because that is the truth. Don't have these IMPORTANT (to you) conversations when drunk, that is ridiculous!) If you can't say it sober then obviously it's NOT that important! You can't depend on alcohol to be able to talk to people! That isn't smart nor healthy.

2. Don't get into anything with this boy. IF he was interested.... he would have pursued it already. Having a friend would be more valuable to you than a (probably) short term BF.

3. time to look for a new friend. SHE ISN'T being a friend. Depression or not... she is acting like the World revolves around her, and well... IT DOESN'T. She doesn't want to be your friend and I'm guessing... it's because she ALSO likes that boy. It's NOT because you seem less awkward around the boy. SHE is the one making things AWKWARD.

You are walking on eggshells for this girl but she gives NOTHING in return.

You are MUCH better off looking to make new friends. Either SHE is actually the AWKWARD one but blaming it on you because it's easier or she is just not really wanting to be your friend.

Sorry, OP she sounds like a shit friend.

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