A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a boyfriend whom I love very much.. He's a nice guy, usually. And he treats me well. He'd never hit me, and he doesn't hurt me on purpose.. He's a little older than me, and sometimes I don't understand things, or I don't know things, and I'm very intellegent for my age, I can't help that he's seen more than I have. He's over a decade older than me, after all.But sometimes, when I don't know something, or have a hard time figuring something out, or something just doesn't work for me, he gets harsh with me. He gets impatient about things..I try, honestly.. And I don't think he does it on purpose, I don't think he intends to make me feel that way, but..He'll say something and have me on the edge of tears, and then say, "What's wrong, baby?" like he doesn't know..I always swore to myself that I'd never be a victim, and just writing this, I feel like one. And not necessarily even a victim of him, just of myself.He's moving closer to me, soon. And part of me has a fear that those harsh words could become harsh actions. Am I wrong in this? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Repeatedsmiler  +, writes (18 August 2007):
Listen to your doubts and get strong. If it is an repeated pattern happening and you dislike what this is doing to you. get the hell out. You need to stand up and say I dont want to be treated like that - is it love bringing you to the brink of tears over trivilality again again. He is playin mind games with you which is on the verge of emotional abuse. I believe your instincts are right when he moves nearer to you. I believe he will try to control you this is just the start of it. Watch out and get this sorted befores he moves into your area Be brave put your foot down and believe you dont deserve to be treated like this if nothing changes get the hell out
A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (15 August 2007):
As Eve said, if its your gut feeling then there is a high chance it could turn worse. Trust yourself and your gut feeling, even though I know you dont want to beleive it, you would rather beleive everything is good.
Despite the age difference and that causing diffuclties between the two of you, he obviously has no respect for you, because you are younger, he is taking on a superiority role, thinking he is beter then you based on his age. Sure he may know more then you, but that doesnt give him the RIGHT to say harsh things to you and to make you feel liek a bad person for not knowing everything.
This relationship isnt a healthy one. There are plenty more guys out there who would be much more respectful...I suggest you leave him, trust your gut instinct. You will be much happier with someone else who respects you darling :) you deserve more.
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A
male
reader, somewhat_anonymous +, writes (15 August 2007):
If you're 16-17 and he's over a decade older, you two shouldn't be together in the first place. There is something wrong there.
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (14 August 2007):
 If THAT is your gut feeling ("part of me has a fear that those harsh words could become harsh actions") then be very careful with this man. He's doing this to belittle you, it's a form of control. He's being condescending and patronizing to make HIM look bigger and more powerful! THAT'S NOT LOVE!!! That's verbal and emotional abuse and it WILL excalate if you're not very careful.
I think deep down he's very insecure, maybe even frightened of losing you to someone younger than him. He's even planning to move closer to you so he can keep you in his sights.
My advice to you...? Get out while you still can!
Eve
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2007): He is with you because you are a teenager, and he is the type of man who likes to manipulate & control women. You being young makes it easy for him to treat you like this. He likes to make you cry. Then when he asks "what's wrong, baby?" He is be-litteling you by acting like you're crying for no reason, like you're stupid for being upset. I am sure that the things he's mean to you about are instigated by him, for example, he might bring up something he knows you would know nothing about like cars, and when you ask a question or act like you don't know something, he gets to feel like a big man by ridiculing you & making you feel stupid & inferior. This guy is BIG trouble. He will end up being more abusive, and I am glad that you are seeing the signs of this now. It reminds me of a guy in those Lifetime movies, where the couple is in love at the beginning, the man is nice. Then they get married & he starts verbally abusing her, then controlling her, then cheating on her, then hitting her, etc..it never gets better until the woman gets away. You need to go find a nice guy your own age, who has no motives of trying to hurt you, or at least a guy no older than his early 20's.
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A
female
reader, baybee-x-sparkii +, writes (14 August 2007):
 always be careful when it comes to the guys in this world, i mean if hes saying words now...what could happen later? i dont mean to scare you i promise, but surely if he treats you like this it means hes not worth it? and he cant get really annoyed with you for getting something wrong? i am kind of in this situation myself and all i can say is if he treats you bad you get the living hell out of there loveGood luck i hope it gets sorted soonx
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