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I always find some flaw in men, am I a full-blown lesbian?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Faded love, Gay relationships, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 August 2018) 1 Answers - (Newest, 18 August 2018)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:


I am 32 and reevaluating my life. I have noticed a pattern of freaking out from liking the same sex. I must admit that I think I'm definitely into the same sex because I am attracted to them physically. I haven't yet gone on a date and don't know how to be emotional with a girl because right now it's physical in my head and I get turned on by women for sure in porn. My issue is men. In the past, I would just hook up without really getting to know a guy to prove my femininity and wanted the attention but most of the guys I was not into. I didn't enjoy the hook up (we didn't have sex but had oral usually) now in my past I have had a deep admiration/emotional attachment for guys but it's always been with guys I never been in a relationship with. It was more the idea of them. The ones I was in a relationship with were okay but always somehow made me uncomfortable. I do this weird thing where I start analyzing the guy and finding something wrong with him, his face, his mannerism. It bothers me that I do that but I do it. I don't know why. I have also had incredible sex with men in the past where we did it 3 times in a row. I don't orgasm from penetration only through oral. But enjoy sex though I feel that the guy gets more out of it. It feels good though. I do find it intimate. I don't find giving oral intimate, it's just something I do. Sex to me is intimate. But I don't get attached. I don't get emotionally invested. I always find something wrong. I don't know if this means I'm a full blown lesbian who hasn't accepted it or if I just haven't found the right guy. My biggest pet peeve about myself that I hate I do is pick on the face to the point where I exaggerate his flaws in my head and can't even face him. What is that??

I also come from a rigid conservative upbringing and have always believed it is wrong to be anything but straight. I also have dreamed of getting married abnd put so much pressure on the guy because I automatically think about what my kids would look like, if my family will accept him, etc. Just a lot of pressure.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (18 August 2018):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntAs I see it, there are a number of things going on that you need to stop:

- STOP trying to label yourself as straight/lesbian or anything else

- STOP believing there is a "right" and "wrong" where sexuality is concerned

- STOP fixating on the gender of people you find attractive

I think you should pay more attention to the character and personality of people you date, rather than their gender. I don't think your problem is necessarily that you haven't met the right MAN but rather that you have not met the right PERSON.

Instead of fixating on the big wedding and perfect family, concentrate more on meeting someone who will make you happy (and you them). Find someone who enriches your life and who you cannot imagine living without. Their gender is far less important.

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