A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone.i need some help. I am a mother of two, in a great relationship with a guy i adore. we have been together 8 years, and the kids are from a previous relationship.so heres where my problem begins, we have a mutual friend and recently he has been there for me through some rough times, he takes me for walks to escape when all at home gets too hectic, we meet regularly for lunches and now he has confessed that he wants a frindship with benefits, i know that this is a great friendship and that we defintley have a great chemistry, and we had a stolen moment ( we kissed) but i was weak for a minute and upset about an argument that me and my partner had (id like to mention i am not married to my partner, just engaged)so i dont know if i could handle a friendship with benefits with him and not sure why i am considering it, because i think i will fall in love with him, cause i feel like i already am. i adore him, but i adore my partner, i dont know what to do, there are so many problems with this, but im starting to think its what i want, but do friendships with benefits always end up in problems? please help. thanks.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2012): I'm actually shaking my head : how many people strike when a "friend" is going through problems? Someone to lean on, someone to talk your problems away, someone to listen and comfort you, spending time together and then slowly he feels it time to take the friendship to the next level and wants some free p*ssy in an attempt to pacify and comfort you??? This "friend" is not a friend. He is only professing to be your friend because he wants to have sex with you. Can you not see him for the user and manipulator he is???Lady, you are having issues with your fiance/bf.it doesn't matter that you are not married:but bloody hell you have been together for 8 years now. That's longer than some marriages! This so called friend has had the audacity to tell/ask you to start having sex with you. What does he want to do? Make all your problems go away by getting between your legs?? And how do you maintain this FWB relationship? Are you now going to cheat on your fiance? Sneaking around? Creeping around? I suggest that before you embark on your great FWB sex sessions that you end things with your fiance. And tell your fiance that you are leaving him for this other guy who has been providing the emotional support while you have been having problems with him. BTW how do you sneak around having so much of free time to go out with this great friend??? Who takes care of your kids when you are out getting emotional relief? Girl its time you go up and smell the crap around you. Its coming straight from your emotional "friend" who is now almost your sex buddy. Grow up please. Sort out one mess before embarking on another mess. BTW will your new sex buddy help you with your kids and treat them as his own or does this buddy only want to use you for free sex, without having a proper relationship? I'm hoping you are not going to saddle your fiance with your kids and then start running around with your great buddy.LoveGirl
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (30 May 2012):
 I don't know why you're considering this either.
What would you think if your fiance had a female friend whom he adored, who'd been there for him during difficult times and suddenly declared she wanted him to be a regular sex partner?
I think you're too blinded by flattery and desire to see what sort of friend this guy really is. He is willing to jeopardize your relationship with your fiance, create chaos in your life, draw the scorn of others all so he can spend some time between your legs? And he isn't even offering you anything substantial in return. Do you think he would have been such a doting friend had you been horse face ugly?
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A
male
reader, Hugh.J  +, writes (30 May 2012):
 Have you heard of polyamory? Google it, and put it to both of these men and see if they are happy with such an arrangement.
If not, do what "YouWish" said.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (29 May 2012):
 You can cheat on your fiance, and it's just as wrong as cheating on your husband, so I don't understand the reason why you had to make that distinction "He's not a husband, just a fiance".
Would you like your fiance to cheat on you? How would you feel if he were having sex with another woman behind your back? I assume, of course, that you would hide this affair from your fiance, right?
This is less about the issues surrounding FWB's and more about your cheating. If you think you're falling in love with this other guy, then leave the one you're with and pursue a relationship with the other one. Or, why not cut the other guy lose and rekindle things with your fiance? You can't have it both ways. This isn't about polyamory if it involves deception.
You need to choose between one or the other, because you cannot have both and not be a cheater.
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