A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hello Everyone:I just got married, my age is over 50, I've been married 4 times twice to the first one. I love my husband very much. I will have to say this up front, no man is going to be perfect, "ever" BUT, I have been with him for quite a few years. The one thing that he was into was "swinging", he said he could take it or leave it, if I didn't want to then he accepted that. I decided that before I make any judgement calls I would try this. "It was a disaster!" All the rules went down the drain as far as someone being pushy. The male counterpart was pushy towards me, but, I decided that I was going to do this so I would know what I was talking about and if I liked it or if I did not. After the "ordeal" was over I showered, scrubbed and cried, my husband was waiting for me in bed and held me and said "we didn't ever have to do this again". I agreed. Well all this out of the way, He seems to be fixated with staying on these sites and just chatting and collecting pictures. I don't want to say too much about it because I would rather it not be a secret between us. I just think that in some way he may be wanting them instead of me. I don't like to admit this but I did spy on his phone, I looked up his pictures and there are TONS of pictures of women, nude. It irritates me a little. He often tells me he has nothing to hide and I can look at his e mail anytime I wish, but he has an e mail on yahoo that I do not have the password to. I know this is the one he has any conversations on. I am curious by nature. I am not a purest, but feel kind of hurt at the moment. I am just wondering if he finds that I am on a website for women only and have a file full of nude men if this would bring up the subjects? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThis is me again that stated the question. I'm liking what you say Jenniepeg. I think I should talk to him about it. I mean look how he was with me telling him I don't want to do the other thing anymore. I have been in some BAD relationships/marriages and he is nothing like them. We do have some good conversations all the time, so we should be able to talk about this and my feeling on it.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (30 May 2012):
 A man doesn't have to be perfect, but for me I want him to be a monogamist. It totally defeats the purpose of marriage if one spouse is focusing his energies on other people. I wonder if you tell your husband you are hurt by his exchanges with other women would he stop? Would that change the essence of who he is? I would not match him by doing something unnatural, like chatting up other men. When he told you he was into swinging and you married him, his understanding his that you accept this part of him. He is still into swinging but is only willing to drop because many women aren't into it. In a marriage you can't afford to try things out and see what you can tolerate. I really admire that you have the courage and you still believe in marriage. You have to decide what you want to do with your husband if he tells you it would be hard for him to stop chatting with other women. Now he could be surprised because he thought you knew who he was, he could think that you are trying to change him after marrying him.
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