A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been married for 3 years, then later found out my husband had been for our whole engagement (a 3-year-long one) and marriage sleeping with another woman.But the identity of this other woman is a local news anchor, she's a big name in town, and has a husband and kids, apparently she'd met up with him and had sex behind the back of restaurants or in car parks.I only found out because of a file on the computer, a selfie of him with this woman kissing her and her topless in a pink thong, it was in our saved folder on financial PDFs.... why would it be there?I feel fucking angry and lied to, it's like my marriage was a sham; what the fuck is going on with him?If this isn't bad enough, he'll be tied to me until our daughter's 18... she's only 3,I'll be seeking divorce attorneys soon.I thought I knew my husband... I've known him since I was 19, we met as students, then got engaged in 2016, married by April 2019. Now I feel like I don't.It's embarrassing too, given that this woman is a big name in our town.I don't think there's much to discuss with my husband, but how can I keep him in my life just for our daughter's sake, and do you think this woman's husband will throw her out too?What's going to be the biggest consequences and who would be the biggest winners and losers in my situation?I'm so angry and upset, need help from everyone.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, kenny  + ♥, writes (21 April 2021):
 Like the other aunts say, you need to take action now, get the ball rolling with the divorce attorney sooner rather than later, and don't mention to him what is going on.
She is a big name in town, a local news anchor, and had sex with him behind restaurants or in car parks, CLASSY, if that got out not sure she would be the big name in town that she currently is.
He has betrayed your trust, there is no going back now, collate all the evidence you have and take it to court and get out of this marriage.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (20 April 2021):
 Contact a lawyer (don't tell your husband) Keep moving on with life. Sue for full custody, child support, and a reasonable visiting schedule.
Also, get copies of all "incriminating proof" and keep them in a safe place.
I get that it hurts to know that he is THAT kind of a man and that you didn't find out sooner. That sucks! But that is on HIM, not you.
I would be tempted to, AFTER the divorce is final, send an anonymous letter with the picture you have, to the husband. But I also don't like the idea of adding more pain to other people's lives. Maybe they have an open marriage or some other crap.
If you DO tell the woman's husband DO it for the "right" reason, not for revenge on her.
You write: "It's embarrassing too, given that this woman is a big name in our town."
Why? Would it be less embarrassing if she was some unemployed trailer park queen?
Don't BEAT yourself up for your husband's actions. HE CHOSE to keep cheating with her while dating, getting engaged, and marrying you! THAT says a WHOLe lot about him, NOT you.
I'm sorry this happened to you. Get out of this marriage and then GET on with life.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2021): Meeting up in the back of restaurants and car parks to HAVE SEX OP is NOT A RELATIONSHIP!!!ALL THEY HAVE BEEN DOING IS FUCKING EACH OTHER!!! Escaping the boredom and monotony of everyday life. Indulging in some meaningless, false fantasy! Put them both up against real life. Tell them both to leave their families and spouses and see what a real mess that creates for the both of them! They will not survive that! Because frankly fucking like sleazes whenever they got a chance is NOT LOVE. So feel comforted in the fact they are just like two drug addicts getting high in the back seat of a car. There is nothing bonding them together but a common goal of escape. That woman is not you, nor will she ever be you. So, don't feel bad. She was just being used as she was using your husband. It is such a shame he could not keep it in his pants because now he is about to pay the price. He is about to lose everything that ever mattered to him.She means NOTHING!!!She has a husband and family. What kind of RESPECTABLE woman does what she did? Especially a news anchor in the public eye. She has got everything to lose, least of all her reputation, job and public image!!! News anchors are often viewed as trusted members of the community!!!I would alert her husband about what she has been up to. I always believe a spouse has the right to know that they are being hurt behind their back. And that their families are also being hurt by selfish, thoughtless, irresponsible behavior. Eventually the fun stops in all affairs, especially once the shit hits the fan. Good on you for consulting a divorce attorney. There is rarely any coming back from this. Even if you got therapy as a couple or he apologized profusely and vowed to spend the rest of his life making it up to you, you would always wonder when he would do it again. And that lack of trust and paranoia would seep into every aspect of your marriage, slowly poisoning it and causing it to self destruct. No sense in going down that road. He is untrustworthy. And he always will be untrustworthy.
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