A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm at my wits end right now.A few years ago, my husband teased me relentlessly about my weight. At first it was funny and cute and I thought that as long as he still wanted me ,there really wasn't a problem.Then his comments regarding my waistline became more and more serious. We would watch TV and he'd tell me in a very serious tone, "Now, can't you look like her?" It hurt, that's for sure.So, I went to a nutritionist and with help from her and my doctor and a trainer I went on a diet. Slowly but surely I was losing the weight. It's been three years and I've lost exactly the amount I had in mind. First and foremost I wanted to look fit without looking anorexic. And it's what I got.But now, he's just as dissatisfied. Recently, he's made comments about the fact that he would rather I went back to my original size. At first I thought he was afraid I'd start acting inappropriately, but that's not even the case. It isn't as though I start acting like a ho because I lost weight or that I dress provocatively. Of course, I had to get a new wardrobe, but mostly I'm a jeans and T-shirt kind of woman. I don't like to make a fuss while still looking feminine. But now, he keeps on making comments about the fact that he wants me to gain weight again.I told him there was no way in hell I was going to gain all the weight it took three looooong years to lose. Not that I intend on gaining any weight for him, but can any guys out there explain to me why he's acting like this?
View related questions:
anorexic Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2012): Why do you want to be with a men like him??? I mean, does he us making you happy??? Relationship is about both being happy and respectful, i dont see it happening..:(...talk to him, and his actions it what really tell if he love you as a women, because words are easy to say..
A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (6 October 2012):
 He wasn't criticizing you for your weight because he didn't like your weight, he was criticizing you because that's how he gains control of you.
He wants to be the Dominant partner, the one who is pleased instead of pleasing. He wants to "wear the pants". Instead of gaining control and Dominance through competence, confidence and kindness, he's gaining it through insults, manipulation and cruelty.
Your best bet would be to see through his manipulations and call him out on them. FIGHT FOR YOUR CONTROL BACK. Only submit to people who are capable of being in control. He doesn't deserve your submission.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2012): 1. he's/was very insensitive saying why don't you look like her, not all people are the same, one thing is suggesting you lose weight if it's affecting your health, but making those hurtful comments is just bad. 2. Now that you're considered hot, by today's standards he's insecure, YOUR husband is insecure, first he belittled you because of your weight now he wants you to gain it because you're probably getting a lot of attention from the opposite sex, he seems to me like the kind of man who wants you to think you that if he left you, nobody would want you, he comes across to me as being jerk, and next time you see a hot guy say to him, why don't you look like him???
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (5 October 2012):
 Honeypie absolutely nailed it fantastic!
It was all about balance of power. It's really immature, that's for sure. When you were heavier, he could keep you down and thus dependent on his whim. His needling you about your weight was all about keeping you a subordinate.
Guess what? You're not there anymore!
Now, he's trying to do the same thing by still being a jerk, because if you regain the weight, he's got the balance of power, and just the pressure itself is enough for him to try and keep you off-balance.
Tell him to put a sock in it and never mention weight in front of you again unless it's to talk about his own weight. Tell him that if he keeps it up with weight, you'll start talking about his penis size and sexual performance, which is the men's equivalent of ultra-sensitive topic.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (5 October 2012):
 Are YOU happy with how you look? Then stay that way. Keep being fit and happy.
It wasn't your weight he was unhappy about, before or now. It was something within himself.
I'm guessing that he felt like he had the "upper hand" when you were heavier, after all you went on diet to please him. And now that you have spend 3 long years working your tail off he lost that "power" over you. He could no longer make you feel bad for being "fat" so now he is trying to make you feel bad for the way you look now.
Honestly, your husband sounds like an ass.
I would sit him down and tell him straight out that YOU are happy with YOUR body and if he isn't TOUGH COOKIES.
I don;t know how teasing your spouse with her/his weight can ever be perceived as cute or funny - but I think you need to spell it out with HUGE letters that your WEIGHT is not debatable.
...............................
A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (5 October 2012):
 Now you look even foxier and he is noticing that everyone else is noticing how hot you are. I'd tell him too bad. Just for the record, he's being a jerk, so he's getting exactly what he deserves. He's also being emotionally abusive to you. Instead of priding himself on how great you look, he's now wanting you to switch back. I'd keep doing what you're doing and tell him he needs to get buff and muscular now that you've gotten lean and mean.
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 October 2012):
 Well am not a guy but am still going to offer my opinion to you. My guess is that he teased you thinking that you would never actually go through with it, and may I just add that it was very insensitive and rude of him to tease you like that. Anyway you have now achieved what you wanted to and may I add congratulations and well done, am glad you are fitter and healthier. Am sure you feel better for it.
My guess now is that you have lost all the weight and he is probably scared that he is going to lose you. You have probably gained more confidence and he is probably feeling insecure now and scared that you might get attention from someone else. The best thing to do now is to sit down with him and talk things through, reassure him that you still love him and want to be with him and ask him how he is feeling.
...............................
|
