A
female
age
41-50,
*erato29
writes:hi every1.i have a problem with my husband when we make love he doesnt want to do foreplay unless i complain and if i do so he says i complain too much.for the past seven years of my marriage never had an orgasm the last time i had it it was with the guy b4 him,sometimes i think maybe its my fault,i tried talking about us buying sex toys but he wont burge he says i must accept that hes got a sml penis and hes not gonna do anything about.i hate myself sometimes i feel like its better not to have sex at all.lately i have been thinking of finding some1 else i am going crazy and i love sex .plz any advise
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (9 September 2010):
 I think I'd probably be looking for a new husband about now. If he thinks it's his way or the highway, I'll be on my way.
Your man is a control freak with some sexual hangups. Unless he's willing to change, I think it may be time to end it. Try marriage counseling, try sex therapy, try whatever it is you need to get him to understand your sexual needs are not being met, that his lack of support and interest for you is killing the intimacy and thus the marriage.
He sounds dreadful. A small-minded man is so much worse than a small-penised man. A small-penised man with a great attitude and skillful hands, lips and tongue, that's what you'd like him to be, I expect.
Honestly, I can't imagine being with someone like that. I'd probably try to illustrate a point to him in a way that he cannot miss what it means to you. In the middle of intercourse, fake an orgasm (sorry you have to do that) then tell him he has to stop for a bit, get up, go to the bathroom, wait about 5 or 6 minutes. Then come back, lie down next to him and announce that you are done, and going to sleep now. Let him lie there experiencing what he does to you every time. Roll over and go to sleep.
If he wants to carry on, stop him and tell him that you are just managing your sex life in the same way he manages his. It's all about him and not about you. Now it's time for the reverse.
This is a very passive-aggressive approach to handling the situation, and he sounds like such a control freak that he'll probably have a temper tantrum. Remind him then that he thinks masturbation is a sin and that you're going to sleep in the other room for the time being.
It's impossible to change the mind of lunkhead. They have no brain cells devoted to rational thought. So don't push it too hard. Get out, if this is the case, or you are going to have a long, sexually unsatisfying marriage, and I'm betting that his attitude causes issues in other areas of your relationship.
A
male
reader, bartmaverick  +, writes (9 September 2010):
 What do you mean, "caught masturbating"?
It is in no way sinful and you should be doing it togeter - great fun!
If god never meant you to masturbate, he wouldn't have given you a clitoris; its ONLY function is to give pleasure, and is rarely stimulated adequately, if at all, by intercourse.
Your man needs educating!
If you can't teach him, do not hesitate to pleasure yourself.
Google "Clitical", a website devoted to women and marturbatory thechniques, etc.
Bart.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2010): Masturbation is not a sin nor is it cheating.
Don't let your husband control you like this! Stand up to him for goodness sake! Why do you let him control when you masturbate? It's none of his business.
If you want to change this situation you are going to need to change not only his behaviour but also YOURS. You are letting him control you and you shouldn't. You need to take control and tell him what YOU want. It's up to YOU what you do with your body, not him. You need to realise this.
To be honest, I think his behaviour is hurtful and cruel, and I would consider leaving him. His behaviour is totally unfair and he seems to have a very large degree of control over you.
If he hasn't changed after 7 years, well, I don't know if he will. I think you need to move on and find someone who is not so selfish and thoughtless.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2010): Your husband is a selfish jerk....and believe me God is not pleased with that either...what about husbands loving their wives as themselves? He makes sure that he reaches orgasm....but he doesnt make sure that you do? thats wrong hunny. mal
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2010): Your husband is a selfish jerk....and believe me God is not pleased with that too...what about husbands loving their wives as themselves? He makes sure that he reaches orgasm....but he doesnt make sure that you do? thats wrong hunny. mal
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (9 September 2010):
 I think you husband MUST accept that you NEED for-play to enjoy sex with him.
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A
female
reader, lerato29 +, writes (9 September 2010):
lerato29 is verified as being by the original poster of the question THANKS ,i tried that and i was cought musterbating 4 yrs ago and cant forgive me for it he always brings it up,he threw my v and said its a sin aginst god and its the same as cheating.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2010): Whether you go or stay...here is an option you may want to check into. Annesummers.com.....you can order online......packaging is discreet. (i recommend the g-whizz 7 or a bullet to start with)
the cost will run about £10~15 plus shipping and handling. mal
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2010): The problem isnt the size of his penis. The problem is that hes selfish. He could bring you to orgasm in other ways...he doesnt care about your pleasure. I would guess he is selfish in other areas...not just in bed.
I wont advise you on whether to leave or stay...but if you stay you should definitly buy a vibrator to use when you are alone. Its not any of his business, since he refuses to do it himself....just do it. mal
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2010): i just wonder how small is ur husband? coz normally the size does not matter as long as the guy knows how to use it
and ofcourse foreplay are so important in this case in order for u to achieve orgasm
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A
female
reader, spanishquerida +, writes (9 September 2010):
This is a touchy subject, since most men do think that penis size and all matters. Penis size has nothing to do with enjoying sex. Anyway onto the question itself. If you tell him that most women can't have an orgasm through just intercourse and that you really enjoy the sex, you need that foreplay to help you enjoy it more then you're boosting his confidence by saying you enjoy the sex, but you're also hinting at what you want. Make sure he really knows how much you enjoy the intercourse but what would make it even more sexy would be him doing things to you before hand or something. If he really doesn't budge by you telling him what you need then maybe you should rethink this marriage. After all, a healthy sex life is important in a marriage. Don't cheat on him; just separate. It's the best thing to do if you're not happy.
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A
male
reader, gigolojone  +, writes (9 September 2010):
 Sorry to hear that. You husband should know that size has nothing to do with satisfying a woman rather what matters most is how he uses his tool.
It also seems to me that he isn't bothered about your needs and the problem at hand...after all he cums and you don't cum....so unfair.
Am not sure you would like to throw away 7 years of marriage but again,if you have tried talking to him about it and he doesn't want to listen to you....well,the ball is in your court. Change is a part of life. There is change for the best and change for the worst.
Follow your heart baby.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2010): Girl, my bf has got a big penis (19cm) and I still don't get orgasms during sex. Try other ways like stimulating the clit. If you really think that this is a problem and you'd rather have good sex then him, fine, dump him.
Nightfairy
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2010): Your husband is a jerk.
Women need foreplay to orgasm; you don't necessarily have to orgasm through sex, however, so having a small penis should not be an obstacle.
What really sucks is his attitude. If you want sex toys go and buy them. Why do you need to have his approval? If you want them, get them,and introduce them to sex. If he doesn't like it then tough.
Until he is willing to change his selfish attitude I think you should stop having sex with him. Get some toys and look after yourself until your husband is prepared to give you the attention you deserve. Don't just wait around to see what he says. Be proactive.
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