A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My Husband can no longer perform sex from drinking to much, and im very sexual woman, what in the dam can i do when he is my husband and i need good sex and affection, please help me please with some wisdom.... Reply to this Question
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female
reader, candy00s  +, writes (27 May 2007):
 Is he drinking enough to be put into the alcoholic category
It sounds to me if drink is affecting him sexually then he could well be an alcoholic.
There must be a reason as to why he feels he needs to drink so much, is he unhappy with work or something?
You need to decide if you can face a sexless marriage. talk to him and try to help him stop drinkin
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (27 May 2007):
 Forget about the sex for a minute and look at your whole marriage - it looks like your heading for widowhood if he is drinking that much. There are lots of medical aids for impotence but these work on men with medical conditions. Your husband has an addiction and the only way to make your relationship happy again is for him to address those issues. Unfortunately addicts of all descriptions need to reach the 'contemplation' stage before they can do that. You should offer support to him and try to explain why he needs to seek professional help for him and his family. But the old saying, you can lead a horse to water but you cannot make him drink is very true...you have a choice to leave him or stay and try to get him sober (and sexual).
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A
female
reader, Cateyes  +, writes (27 May 2007):
 It's hard to tell whether his drinking is all the time and you would consider him an alcoholic or not. Either way, it's hurting your marriage and I think he knows it as well. However, communication is the key to any relationship and you should talk with him about this. In order for him to satisfy your needs, he needs to stop drinking and hopefully he will do this because it's ruining your sex life. But if you don't tell him, it will continue. IF he is not willing to give it up, that would really hurt me. I would think he would realize what it is doing to you and want to quit, but if he continues, you have to decide if you can proceed in your marriage this way or not. If he continues, it's hurting you on the inside and you will only become to hate him and I don't think that is what you want to do. You should let him know you are there for him to help him in any way you can or even if he needs to seek outside help. Whatever it takes, especially in wanting to save your marriage because I know you love him, but, if he refuses, then you have to decide can you live like this for the rest of your life.
I wish there was an easy fix. I can only say I am sorry and hope that he will listen to you and realize he has forgotten about your needs as well.
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (27 May 2007):
 Tell him that you have needs, and that it's either he quits drinking and satisfies him, or you leave.
DV1
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A
female
reader, BEEN THERE DONE IT +, writes (27 May 2007):
 I understand you desires and needs from your husband but if he has a drinking problem then he needs to realise this and seek help if he is unable to give up the drink on his own. Have you told him how your feeling? What is his reply?
If you have told him and he is still carrying on drinking and is on the road to self distruck then you need to weigh up everything, can you live like this?
I am not saying give up on him you need to be strong for him get him help etc....
If he does not want help then you need to be firm with him let him know its distroying your marriage and it hurts you seeing him like this but you have to mean it.....
Living with someone who does not realise they have a problem is very hard and its up to you how much you are prepaired to put up with....
Its hard to watch someone you love hurting themselves and everyone around them, if he is only drinking weekends and its too much then tell him and let him know that you love him and want to keep having a healthy sex life with him until your both grey and old.
Its an important part of a relationship but the most important part is understanding each other, I hope you manage to get through to him babes,
Let me know how you get on,
Donna x
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A
male
reader, leonard j.Douglas  +, writes (27 May 2007):
I don't often give this Advise to people, But in your case you can forget that better or for worse you said when you got married. Once a man who cnnot fulfill his marriage vow due to fault of his own My Good Book,The Bible, says you don't have a marriage and you can go out free. You now being free. That to me means you are now also free to find yourself someone else. Who can fill those Physical and Emotional needs that all of us have a right to. Your being free doesn't give you the right to mess up other's lives, so please keep that in mind. If you want to stay in your present relationship,that's fine. Lots of marriages look great on the surface, but then often the only thing that is holding them together is Infidelity by one or both partners.
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