A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I've been married for 10years now. I'm very much still happy in my marriage and I still find my husband very attractive, I have no intention of ever needing or wanting to look elsewhere. Yet I find myself attracted to a younger man that I've only every met in passing we have spoken a little but only the basics 'hi' 'nice weather' if placed in a normal situation together I'm not sure he would talk to me at all. But I find myself daydreaming about said young man (as well as actually dreaming about him) I just can't seem to get him off my mind I also look at his photos online sometimes. I'm so confused as I don't want to be thinking of others I still very much 'fan girl' over my husband. Why can I not get this young man off my mind?? Help! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (14 September 2017):
 When a gas station suffers a gas leak at the pump, the first thing they do, before going to get the fire department, is to shut down the gas and cut off the flow.
Same with a ship that has a leak that threatens to sink it. They repair the leak before getting rid of the water that got in.
It's a myth -- the old saying that it's impossible to stop a crush, or "the heart wants what it wants". That phrase should cost anyone who utters it in justification of cheating.
The thing to do is to CUT OFF THE FLOW. You're feeding the fire with gasoline. You're hastening the drowning ship with more water by indulging the fantasy, stalking his Facebook, and not disciplining your mind and emotions and choking out the crush.
Crushes happen in marriages! They happen to all of us! But we're not these undisciplined cheating dogs who are incapable of honoring vows when it isn't so easy to. So get it together and when thoughts of this younger guy enter your brain, GET THEM OUT! Stop looking at Facebook. Stop thinking about him. Distract your mind to other things.
You do not know him. But nothing is gained by lusting after him. If you love your husband, you'll show it by putting your lust and your emotions under YOUR control. Choke out the oxygen and fuel from the fire and it will eventually die out.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (14 September 2017):
 Eh, we all get these little crushes here and there. Being married doesn't change it. I guess it kind of reminds us of the teenage days of posters of hot people on the wall from Bravo magazine... lol
It's how you react to it. Now stalking him on social media... it's taking it a bit far, don't you think? For a grown woman?
Everything within reason and with respect for your partner.
Now you mention how attractive your husband is, but does your husband fulfill YOUR need for attention? Do you two have date-night or go out and have fun together or is it a more sedative dynamics?
ALL the time and energy you are spending looking up this BOY and having all these daydreams - maybe spend them arranging something romantic for you and your husband? Like a nice surprise picnic or couples massage - a weekend at a B&B.
While I think daydreams/crushes are a form of escapism and basically harmless - you still have to be respectful towards your spouse and your marriage.
Think about it. HOW would you feel if your husband was stalking some pretty young thing online and daydreaming about HER instead of you?
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