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female
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anonymous
writes: hi,Long story coming up!I am 34 with 3 children. Have been with the same guy for 20 years and married for 15 of those. He is in the army and we haven't really been together for the past few years. He dislikes the weight I have put on and makes sure I know about it. I have met an amazing guy who is just 20. I don't feel as though I am having an affair because I no longer feel married, bar the piece of paper that says I am.I rely on my husband financially to help me pay for my children's schooling and I work very hard to give them the best chances in life. My problem is this, I don't know whether I love this very young man because he treats me exactly how I have always wanted to be treated or because of who he is. I wasn't instantly attracted to him but physically we have grown extremely close and he is begging me to get a divorce so that we can marry.If I dislike my husband so much how comes I have put up with so much for so long, being a single mum for months and months at a time, snide comments about my weight, his lack of patience or tolerance to anyone who doesnt fit into his mould. I don't know how long I have stayed around out of habit.I can imagine not living in the same house as him and its been very easy to get close to the other man in my life but I can't imagine a point where isnt a part of my life. My husband/ex also grew up without a father and firmly believes that parents should stay together for the sake of the kids.There is so much more to tell to this story but Im interested to see another perspective so if you have any advice please pass it on. I just want to be happy after so long of being miserable, put down and fed up.Thanks
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2006): you stayed because people with poor self esteem tolerate bad relationships. go for it. just remember that when you find true love grasp it with both hands and your feet never let go and if it goes stalk it back to the path of truth. i live in your eyes
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2006): Just divorce your husband, make a life for yourself, the 20yr is to young and if you really think about it, how could you take this 20yro's life from him? What do you have to offer him, 3 kids? Sure that's just what he wants, and to support you. If you really care about this 20yro, do what is best for him and set him free from you.
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male
reader, Ponungalungb  +, writes (2 October 2006):
 Life's too short to be miserable. Tell your husband that you're fed up and that you want out. You don't have to bring up the 20 year old. . . and I wouldn't put all of my eggs in that basket either. Live for yourself and your children for a while . . . but don't jump into another relationship right away. Do the things that make you happy. Have fun with your kids. Exercise. Learn something new. Enjoy your life!
Good luck.
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