A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I feel terrible for even asking this but if you were having difficulties getting pregnant, how would you feel if your partner told you that it can't be his problem as he already has a child? We have been together for three years, and I adore his daughter. If we never had our own, I would still have her and that would be amazing but I'd like to have a child of my own, and since we are now planning our wedding (July 15), we decided to start trying in March 2014. I did fall pregnant last summer but I had a miscarriage, and we haven't been lucky since. We got in a row over the weekend because I asked him if we should maybe go see the doctors as we aren't having any luck. He could told me that he couldn't have a problem as he has a child, and it must be my fault. It broke my heart when he said it, and he quickly said he was sorry but I can't forget it.
View related questions:
wedding Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (4 February 2015):
 My Sister suggests that you go on Maury Povich's TV show.... and you can learn, there, what's been going on... and how to proceed in the future....
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 February 2015):
 I also vote for not getting pregnant before the wedding... dress, morning sickness. lack of sex drive .... better to wait and settle into married life.
usually if you don't conceive after a year of active trying the doctors will do tests.
Note that both Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman have children with their current partners (in tom's case his second ex wife) but that TOGETHER they had to adopt.
It may be you
perhaps he's changed underwear or medications and it really is him.
more than likely it's a combo of the two...
his statement was callous and painful but it was said off the cuff and probably as a way to soothe what's upsetting to him also.
he apologized. Be Elsa and Let it go...
after the wedding and honeymoon when life settles down again go see your GYN and ask what they suggest...
...............................
A
male
reader, mr toyboy  +, writes (4 February 2015):
If you were pregnant just 11 months ago, i dont think you should panick just yet, that suggest to me that u guys are capable of conceiving. A little patience should do.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2015): There are SO many factors when it comes to getting pregnant. The reality is that 50% of the time, it is because the man isn't making enough healthy sperm. I agree w/ Honeypie, this guy is afraid of a blow to his ego. But if you're both wanting a child together, he NEEDS to get it checked out. Determining if a female is having fertility problems is MUCH MORE INVASIVE than for a male.For a female, it generally comes down to two things:1. Are you ovulating? (Buy the book "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" and figure this out for yourself)2. Are all your organs where they're supposed to be? Do you have a blocked fallopian tube or something like that?This is harder to figure out, that's why men get tested first...Best of luck to you!PS. There is a third possibility, which is that neither one of you is singularly infertile, but that the combination of your genetic material is incompatible...this is not well understood, but I wanted to mention it...I have researched infertility a lot, so I have a lot of information...
...............................
A
female
reader, Midnight Shadow +, writes (4 February 2015):
 Also, I think you should try married life for a year or so before trying to get pregnant; marriage can sometimes change things and you don't want to be pregnant when dealing with the issues that many new marriages go through.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2015): People say things in the heat of the moment, but it doesn't take away the hurt it causes. So he has a child, it doesn't guarantee all is well now. But rather than bringing this up in an argument it needs to be done tactfully and calmly.You're planning a wedding, that can be stressful; you're trying for a baby and obviously it seems you're becoming stressed about this too. Sometimes, things will happen when you stop trying so hard. Enjoy planning your wedding, enjoy that day and don't add pressure on yourself to be pregnant within a certain amount of time or by a certain date.What your fiancé said was hurtful, he has apologised and if you believe his apology was sincere it's just a comment you'll have to work past. If you do need to talk about getting checked out, do it when things are calm. He had his daughter a few years ago, things change in that time. But in all honesty I think you're currently over thinking things and just need to relax and be patient, don't try so hard just enjoy the moment. You're still young xx
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (4 February 2015):
 Why don't YOU go see a doctor?
Now HE can still be the reason as to why it hasn't happened, but the likelihood is your ovulation is trickier than average.
For him to say OH IT's not my fault, is childish of him and rather callous, my guess is, he didn't want to take a hit to his male pride...
Go have a full STD panel done (both if you should) and the go see a GYN and have a check up.
Personally, though I'd wait to try getting pregnant till AFTER all the wedding hullabaloo. You REALLY don't want to be 3-4 pregnant and fit into that DREAM-DRESS.... Or spend your honeymoon having morning sickness.
...............................
A
female
reader, Midnight Shadow +, writes (4 February 2015):
It's raw, that's why it still bothers you. If he agrees to go to the doctor with you, I think that will help you accept his apology.
I may be wrong, but I think that even those who struggle to get/stay pregnant, can still have a child at some point. By that, I mean that it could be a complication with him, but he still managed to get "lucky" and have a child.
Either way, I think the doctor is a good idea.
...............................
|
