A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My partner and I have been together for a year. Both of us have had very bad experiences in previous relationships. My ex husband lied to me a lot and treated me very badly. My partners ex's were unfaithful. The problem in our relationship stems from this. His ex used to be possessive, and would not let him go out etc. He recently told me that at the start of our relationship he lied to me about going out to help a family member (he went to the pub with friends). I can kind of understand why he was like this in the early part of our relationship because of his ex and that he expected the same from me. However, my past, being lied to and hurt has meant that I have had a hard time dealing with the lie. My partner treats me well in general, he is very loving and he makes me feel good about myself. He does, however, still have issues because of having been cheated on a lot. He struggles with trust, although he really does try to keep it under control. It's frustrating because I would never cheat on him. So really, I'm after some advice on how we can combat these problems. We love each other very much.
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female
reader, 02DuszJ +, writes (18 December 2015):
 Honestly, the simplest answer is often the right one- talk to each other! Be honest about your true feelings always and rememeber a relationship cant last without honest communication.
It might feel like something solid but if you try your hardest and find that he's not willing to lay his cards on the table, then it's not going to go anywhere. Even if something seems silly, you should aim to feel confortable enough to trust them with your feelings. If you cant achieve this then there's a fundamental problem at the base of your relationship...
Like aunty said, tell him how the lie upsets and worries you, and make it clear that honest communication is all you want- but youre not going to make excuses for lies.
And ensure he knows that youre not there to dominate him, by laying your cards on the table and showing him your vulnerability.
Also hold hands, hug and kiss at least once a day and have lots of sex... haha... :)
Good luck
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (18 December 2015):
 My advice is if the past is causing problems in this relationship then maybe the best thing that you can both do is get some relationship counselling.
You both have not dealt with the past by reading your post and this means that you are both taking problems in to this relationship that does not need to be here.
Okay so he lied about going to the pub, this was not a good thing, he cannot make an excuse because he used to be with someone possessive he should know that you are not the same woman. Therefore I would make him see how much this lie has hurt you and you are finding it hard to deal with. This relationship will only work if you are both open and honest with each other.
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