A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:One of my closest guy friends online and myself have had a big falling out. It has gotten very toxic and very messy. He has blocked me on all social media accounts (however hasn't unfriended me), and he is deleting his main social media account where we use to talk often. He has even gone as far as to spread negative stuff about me, talking about how bad my behaviour was, how I threatened to kick him out of our group chat and how emotional I am. All of this isn't true except for the emotional part. Some of my friends who I use to have somewhat distant themselves from me, however still trying to provide emotional support for me, as well as him.I had to ask one of his friends to unblock me so we can talk about what happened and how to move past it but he has disabled that account from getting any messages, however he unblocked me and this is the account he wants to delete.The friends online had suggested to just move on, which I am in the process of doing... I am just finding it hard since now I have been spoken badly about, and most of the rumours were false. He even spoke so badly about me to my crush, luckily from what I know he can see he is being very over-emotional and taking his perspective with a grain of salt. However, they are still keeping in contact. I am scared he will try and destroy what I have built already with my crush. The ex-friend already tried one time to break us apart, and my crush is already angry and wary of him.I have never been in a stance like this before... he was truly my closest friend and I admit fault I did hurt him, and there were mistakes on both sides. He keeps thinking I think he is the bad guy, which I never said, though he may feel like it. Apart of me wants to reach out to him again, and another half says to cut all ties with him.My friend convinced me out of cutting ties with him completely, and just keeping him around, see if he will come around to talk. But I doubt he will.I know there are many other people online and in real life I can meet, I feel so emotionally damaged and scarred from this whole experience... I wanted to know how to bear through the pain of breaking up with a close friend?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2023): Stop pestering him, you are doing this because you want to get him back as a friend - you think that if you say sorry again this will happen and he will forget the past and go back to how it was. That would be very silly of him. It would not be long before you upset him again - and again. Stay away and respect it when people make such a decision.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2023): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for your input, I really appreciate it! In the end I did attempt to send him an apology message, stating I was also at fault, this was 2 weeks ago, and he ended up blocking me there also. I am not even sure if he read the message but I done what I could. I ended up unfriending him but I have not blocked him, I know if he really wanted to he would reach out again.
A lot of my friends have tried to reconnect our friendship again, but I strongly believe this will never happen, as much as they want this to happen. I had explained I done what I could, and space right now is the best thing for both of us. And if I am being honest I would never trust him again after he had tried diminishing my friendships with others. It is honestly the lowest point I have seen him and in WiseOwlE words: "He carries his tiny balls in his back pocket, rather than in his sack" - which was a hilarious comment!
It hurts more because he was my close friend, and he destroyed my trust and respect for him. It makes it more awkward as we have mutual friends. I do not blame him for getting upset but he had taken it way too far to do the things I had mentioned.
Right now I am focusing on building and nurturing my current relationships with friends and working on my own mental health for my own good, this experience really taken a toll on me emotionally and was hard to find some logically reasoning. Thank you for sharing me your logically reasoning!!
I always come to this site because I know I will get love-tough answers in which some cases - I do need!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2022): When your entire social-life is dependent on social media; you've somewhat parted with your freedom and independence. Social-media makes you a group, or a clique; instead of a person. So when you have personal-disagreements, they'll all become public, and subject to public forum.
The cruelest and pettiest reaction these days is to block you from everyone you consider a friend, or an ally, through social media. To deliberately poison opinions of you, and sully your name and reputation. You'll surely learn quickly who your real friends are; because all it takes is the gossip and denigration from only "one person," to turn everyone against you for something petty, and really not anyone else's business. Nothing is one-on-one, or private. It's "lets make it a public-issue," and create division; or resort to ostracism and persecution. A stupid disagreement becomes a war!
I think he has flushed-out people who are basically on the fence; or have identified all of those who are only "fair-weather friends." True-friends give you benefit of the doubt, they watch your back; and come to you to get your side of the story. It's the quality, not quantity of friends you have. If you aim to be popular, you may need a large following to cater to your whims and flatter your ego. It's harder to tame a crowd, than a handful of people.
True-friends don't take hearsay and gossip as fact without thorough investigation. Meanwhile, remaining in a neutral corner; until they get all the facts. Especially, when someone is out to trash you. I don't believe everything I hear from others. I trust only proven facts. My own eyes and ears!
We're getting only your side of this. He deserves benefit of the doubt, for not being able to tell his side. If you allowed your temper to get the better of you, and you went-off venting everything online where it could be read by others; you've weakened your defense. Everyone knows what you've said; and will negatively judge your bad-behavior, because they don't want to experience it personally. You know people are quick to judge, and slow to forgive. Which is hypocritical, because they want to be forgiven; no matter how bad their mistake is. They don't want to be accountable, and rarely want to apologize. They rather put-up a wall; than to build bridges, and just forgive, and forget.
This is a life-lesson. You should have one-on-one discussions in-person. Don't disagree online, and use social media as a weapon. A lowly-coward would drag outsiders into a personal-disagreement; when they feel they're on the losing-end of the argument. A narcissist will see it only as an opportunity to emotionally destroy you. Take your pick which is the case here; but you need to be aware of these things when you go head-to-head/toe-to-toe with people online; where they'll drag everybody else into it. You don't want to be friends with people who have a scorched-earth policy. They don't know the meaning of forgiveness; and they are cruel beyond measure. Don't grovel for forgiveness, if they refuse to forgive; you take the high-ground. Sincerely apologize one last time, and move on. No matter how hard it is to do it. That's the wisest and most mature thing to do.
At this point, leave it alone. Don't attempt a reconciliation. He might fake forgiveness. He'll manipulate your emotions, and dig at your feelings, to hurt you all the more. Look how far he has taken it already! It would take a lot to reverse what he has already done. He has turned others against you.
He is using psychological-warfare to make you feel diminished and rejected, by deleting you and blocking you from all his social media. So be it! He can't make you disappear from the face of the earth. Be grown-up enough to get over it; and go find yourself some better, more real, friends. Stop having disagreements over the internet, and keep them personal. Know who your true friends are; because they won't so easily reject and desert you, based on the word of only one person.
Girlfriend, he's a wimp! A guy who beats-up on girls! He carries his tiny balls in his back pocket, rather than in his sack. Real-men don't bully females, and don't need to gang-up on people; because he's not man enough to handle his own issues or disagreements. You don't need people who can't settle disagreements like adults. You can't always agree on everything. Choose your battles, and backdown when you see your adversary refuses to yield to reason and logic. Let-go when people turn their backs, because real-friends don't do that so easily.
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A
male
reader, kenny  + ♥, writes (23 December 2022):
 I think in this instance you are going to have put this down to experience, a learning curve and move on.
For what ever reason your friendship never worked out, and that's just life i'm affraid.
How do you bear through the pain of breaking up with a close friend. Well time is the healer of all things, and all i can say is things will get easier. The more you dwell on it the longer the healing process will be, so it all really starts with you.
Your other online friends gave you the right advice, to just move on.
You need to pick yourself up, dust yourself down and move on and put this down to experience.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (22 December 2022):
 OP,
First, you HAVE to accept that you have NO control over what other people do, say, feel and think.
The friendship didn't last, that happens.
He is talking smack about you, that is on him. Not you. The sooner you block all access TO him and FROM him and ignore what he is saying and doing - the sooner he will stop.
Block, delete, and move on.
There is no point in reaching out and trying to explain your side, HE doesn't care and has made up his mind.
If your crush CHOOSES to take his side, that is on him as well. YOU have no control. All you CAN control is HOW you react.
This all sound like a bunch of middle school drama.
Raise above it.
I wouldn't "keep him around in your contacts" even if he did decide to want to be your friend again, he could do the same OR worse again and that is just not worth it.
Let it go, learn from this. You said you admit fault, that you hurt this guy - well one of the consequences of hurting a friend is that they get mad at you and want nothing to do with you. YOU are going to have to accept that.
Actions have consequences.
Saying I'm sorry doesn't always fix things.
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