A
male
age
36-40,
*ave456
writes:I started going to strip clubs a year ago with friends who were into it, and towards the end of the year, got into drinking and then going to prostitutes. I went three times, before I couldn't bear the guilt anymore. Since then I have been for therapy and an AIDS test,and have not been to a strip club or brothel since. I also do not have AIDS. I have two questions, first, should I tell a potential girlfriend about this, or should I leave it in the past?I have met some great women recently, but I think about what I did every time it seems like it's going anywhere. I feel guilty all the time. It has been 8 months since I last went to a brothel, and I will never go again. My second question is, will this guilt ever go away, or should I just give myself time?
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male
reader, serenity80  +, writes (3 October 2011):
Why are you feeling guilt? You need to stop taking yourself so damn serious! You've wasted 8 months of your life thinking every day about what you've done in the past. That doesn't make any sense to me at all.
You used to enjoy escorts, and now you've stopped. So why don't you just put your feelings in the past, along with the events?
You need to stop being so hard on yourself and just accept yourself for who you are. You're on a journey in life, at one point you used escorts, and now you don't. Why beat yourself up over it?
A
male
reader, Tom Obler +, writes (3 October 2011):
 Firstly, don't mention the prostitutes to anyone. It's past and it will only hurt someone.
You say you know you wont go again and that that is all finished. Therefore, you have freed yourself from any future worry or temptation.
As for guilt, as you know you will not be going for visits, why not think of these girls as ladies that you enjoyed some time with. They are the same as the rest of us and not anything else. Begin to look at them as individuals that you visited, liked and had the pleasure of their company and had a great time. This respect for them will then ease your worries or any guilt. I hope this helps in a small way.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2011): I do think this is something you should share but not right away. You should share it before the first time you are intimate. I believe it is very important to disclose past sexual experience in the form of, "I have been with x number of partners."
But if those partners are prostitutes I think you should be forthcoming with a woman and say, "I did go through a period where I visited brothels and had sex with three prostitutes. I felt ashamed of what I did and so took steps to stop doing it. This was x number of years ago, and I attended therapy and have been tested for STDs."
If a woman can't forgive that past mistake, she isn't the one for you. Everyone makes mistakes and has some sort of past, at least you have put your past behind you. Also it is better to be honest than to let her find out from a third party once she is emotionally invested 100% in a relationship. That will build trust and respect.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (3 October 2011):
 If you've had an extensive STD test and have been cleared from the possibility of any STD's, then there's no reason to tell a potential girlfriend about your brothel adventures. If she asks you about past sexual experience, just say you did do some partying in your past and had a few casual encounters (which would be telling the truth, but not the gory details), but that you're completely disease free.
Whether your guilt will go away depends on you. I will tell you that if you "confess" right away, you might turn away some otherwise nice women.
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