A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:How do i get over my soon to be ex husband?My husband and i have had a 13 year relationship. On again off again most of the time. We got back together in 2004 and married the next year. The marriage lasted only a year. He wasn't ready and he had some alcohol/drug abuse issues that as much as i tried i could not help. We decided to seperate for a year so he could figure out what he wanted. I was pregnant at the time. We kept our relationship close during this time then 1 1/2 years later he tells me he has found someone and is not sure what he wants anymore. Even seperated we talked every day and spent the weekends together. We have an 11 yr old and a newborn at the time. The woman he had "met" was someone he had spent time with as a friend during our marriage, she lives right down the block. Now as i put the pieces together it seems he was seeing her even thruout our marriage. I have filed for divorce and now he wants us back. He says all the right things but his actions speak a whole different way. How if he wants us back can he still be with her? Just in case I do not want to come back. How do i let go and get over it? and how can he say he really loves me but puts me thru this? After everything how do you let go? I have tried counseling, not talking for weeks at a time, it's just not working ad to be honest I am so tired of hurting.
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female
reader, Slyn +, writes (3 January 2011):
HelloI know this post was a while ago but I'm going through the same thing right now. I wasn't married but my now ex and I had a baby 4 months ago. He left when she was 2 1/2 months old. He filled my head with false hope. He told me he still loved me and hoped we'd fall in love agian and be a family. He said I was the most important person in his life aside from our daughter. Two weeks ago I found out he was dating someone else. Not only someone but someone he talked to starting while I was pregnant. He told me I had nothing to worry about. I found out from texts in his phone. Alone with drugs. Anyway. I since had to move to Florida to be with my family because when he left I wasn't working and our savings was gone. I'm just wondering how your situation worked our for you? I ask the same questions you asked. Like how could he do this to someone he loved. I feel like I didn't do anything to deserve this and I don't understand. Thanks and I look forward to hearing the rest of your story.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2008): Dont go through life being bitter and twisted, just move on, go ahead with the divorce and arrange a massive party and invite us all. Yahoo.
take care and enjoy your future.
xx
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A
female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (8 June 2008):
 OK so the fact that you have filed for divorce - this is the most positive thing you have ever done and don't back down.
Whilst you remain married he feels like he can have his cake and eat it so if you pursue the divorce and make a new life for you and your children this will demonstrate to him that it is finally over and you need to move forward with your life, not only for yourself but for your children as well.
Whilst he can have the contact and talk to you then the lines of communication stay open. However be very aware that once the ball starts to role with the divorce his whole nice guy act may change altogether. So just prepare yourself and surround yourself with the people who believe in you and your family as well. They know what you have gone through and they will be the little voices sitting on your shoulder saying come on girl be strong and get through this no matter what. Once the divorce is final then you can truly start to build your new life for both yourself and your children.
At the end of the day he has been dishonest and yes very stupid. However, you do have to come to a point of saying to yourself that you are not going to allow him to hurt you any more and you are now in the driving seat.
If you have attended counselling the one thing that does come out of it and I know this because I went through lots of different counselling with my ex before we split is the fact that affairs don't happen for the sake of just one person but the problems are in the relationship to start with and if there are no lines of communication then generally one partner looks elsewhere for someone to either confide in or get what they are not getting at home - often sex. It happened and so now you have to say OK it hurt at the time and I am not going to allow it to hurt me anymore.
During the divorce yes the sordid details may come out about it all but after it is over then lock it away in your mental casket in your mind and say to yourself it is now MY time and I am going to enjoy the rest of my life no matter what.
Of course things like visitation to your children are what counts here and so long as your ex husband does the right thing financially then things can remain amicable.
Your ex husband has had problems in the past with drugs and alcohol so be aware that these may crop up again but you have to keep saying to yourself that you ARE DOING THE RIGHT thing here.
Stay strong and look in the mirror every day and tell yourself how wonderful and gorgeous you are and we only have one life so enjoy it to the fullest you can OK. You will smile again believe me and yes there is light at the end of the tunnel even when you feel like it can't get any worse and it does, you definitely come out the other side OK.
Here anytime for you.
BFN
Country Woman
x
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (8 June 2008):
 Forgive him , bless him and wish him all the luck as you go on rebuilding your life without him.
You don't have to depend on anyone to give you happiness.
You create your own happiness.
Be in the driver's seat.
Go where you want to go and throw away all those old baggage of his.
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