A
male
age
41-50,
*anitysoul28
writes:I'm a 29 year old guy looking for advice on how, where and when to flirt with women. I stopped trying after my early 20s and I've become pretty clueless and insecure. I'm looking to get back in the game. Any suggestions?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2012): Just whip out your penis and start rubbing it against her leg, that always works for me. Only joking hehe.
Flirting is about subtlety really OP although there are times when being blatant is called for too. The best way is to get out there and practice.
The ladies before me are right OP but as a guy I can tell you touch and words are the most important part of flirting.
Eye contact is a given, you should make eye contact with everyone you talk to as a matter of courtesy and respect anyway. Smiling is also a given, in most situations that you're happily discussing anything with anyone you should be smiling. Listening intently is another given.
Nothing really makes those things flirting. Build those as habits with everyone as they will serve you well in life in general.
Two things that always work for me with women who are interested and even make some women who aren't interested in me is touching and compliments.
Again they have to be subtle as to be barely noticeable. Compliments work best when you add them into conversation such as complimenting her on her chosen career or other such aspects of the things that she says. Make a girl feel good about herself and she'll like you even if she's not attracted to you, you give yourself a chance.
Touching is vital in my opinion. Not only for showing interest but gauging her level of comfort. For me it starts with the handshake after I introduce myself (after the brief chat and reason I've approached her), I'm a very confident man in general so I have a firm, sincere handshake and the firmness of a woman's handshake is also quite an early sign of interest, if her hand is limp you're going to have to put in more effort with that specific girl. My trick is I keep my hand there holding theirs, I shake it firmly then I loosen my grip so that they can pull their hand away any time they want but I keep holding it while continuing the conversation. A girl who keeps their hand there in mine post-shake while still talking is completely comfortable with me talking to her and 9 times out of 10 I will be successful with a girl like that. A girl with a limp handshake and one who pulls her hand away from mine is one who is going to have be disarmed first and is most likely not available to me. A girl with a limp handshake who lets me keep holding her hand is generally one with which persistence will pay off. It shows a submissiveness to her personality.
As I said flirting is about the touch, when I speak to women I'm interested in I will gently rest my hand on their shoulder or elbow when I talk to them for a couple of seconds every now and again or when I lean to whisper something, I will gently put my hand on their lower back if they are passing me etc. The best way to disarm a girl is to be completely confident and comfortable in her presence, light touching is great for showing that and it's also a great indication as to her level of comfort with you. If she shy's away from even the lightest touch she's not interested or she's a cold fish who doesn't like being touched, neither are worth hassle for your purposes as you really don't want to waste your time with girls as others will see you doing so and it makes it harder to move on to another. A girl who is not interested generally will make it clear through her level of comfort with you. That said there are plenty of open and friendly girls that will gladly flirt back and are spoken for or not interested and in that case they're great for honing your skills with. In the early days when I met girls like that I'd actually switch the conversation to the fact I was coming onto them and ask them what they thought of how I went about it, they can be great sources of info and it's generally a fun chat, some even let me practice my flirting hehe.
My technique has been honed from years of practice, handshake, compliments, light touching that starts at the forearm, shoulder and gradually moves to lower back, waist and hands then I steal a kiss or ask for their number.
Basically OP just get out there and practice, don't be afraid to try and fail, it's the only way you'll learn.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (28 July 2012):
 Trust me a smile makes a WAY bigger impact then some overused "hook". Same with being confidant and keep a smile in your eyes when looking at them. Eye contact is vital. PICK up on her cues and mimic them (mirror if you want) not being bad copy cat but returning the favor.
If you aren't confident in flirt just start out with a smile, I think flirting comes natural to some, but not everyone, but in time everyone can do it.
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A
male
reader, sanitysoul28 +, writes (27 July 2012):
sanitysoul28 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI completely understand the value of being sincere. I don't want to be a fake person and put on an act. The problem with 'being myself' seems to be that who I 'actually am' is just kind of nice, boring and uninteresting, at least where attraction is concerned. I fear that unless I learn to be more aggressive, and 'create' attraction, I'll remain the kind of person I've always been. Nice, sweet perhaps, with a heart, but also not really attractive in 'that' way and never really having any of the kind of relationships that I want. Variety is part of life. I want to experience all kinds of interaction.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (27 July 2012):
I agree with Aunt Honesty.
Be yourself, don't try and "fake" it. Be good at listening, remembering and look her in the eyes when talking to her.
Once you get to know her a little and feel more comfortable you might be able to get a banter/flirt going. Specially if you have a sense of humor.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (27 July 2012):
 I suggest that you just be yourself. Flirting with someone and using cheesy chat up lines in my opinion sometimes have the opposite effect on women. So instead of worrying about flirting concentrate more on getting to know a woman. If there is someone you are interested in then just have a conversation with her, be yourself, ask questions and listen to what she has to say. Ask for her number or out for a coffee and just take things slow. Once you have her attention and you know her a bit better well then you can start telling her how beautiful you think she looks or show her you are interested by your body language and use plenty of eye contact and smile. Tell her you are interested.
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