A
female
age
30-35,
*uhnay
writes:Okay so I'm legally married, my husband in the past has hit me before and is extremely verabally abusive. We have an 2 year child together, I decided I wanted out of the marriage for my daughters sake because she can already tell how he treats me and I don't want her seeing it. He put me in a hole, not allowing me to have a bank account so if I got a job the money would go to him, no liecense so I can't go anywhere on my own. I got a restraining order on him, so he would leave the home so I could get things in order to either move out or if he let me have the house. But I have a boyfriend, they boyfriend is not a threat and is the only one who can help me do anything basically and my husband knows this, he put a court order on that says no one of the unrelated opposite sex can be near my daughter, so I would be forced to drop charges so I couldn't actually leave him. I need help, I'm always with my daughters, since day one, I'm the only one who cares for her, and if my boyfriend can't be around her then what do I do? How can I get this change? He has no recorded and there's no proof on him or me that we are in any danger or neglect to my child. I don't want the judge to take her from me because she would be miserable, she only knows me and takes me, she would be solo scared to be away from me for even an hour. I need help please, my court date is a week away and I don't have a lawyer, I can't afford it
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female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (3 August 2012):
You need to call up lawyers in your area that specialize in family law and divorces. You need to find a lawyer who will fight for you AND will file the necessary paperwork to make your husband pay for the lawyer's services. (yes, a good lawyer can make that happen because you have no income, no assets, and are completely reliant on your husband.)
Have you called any domestic violence organizations yet? They can help you.
Next, you have one child to watch...your 2 year old daughter, right? Is there something preventing you from watching her while getting everything together to move out or get divorced or whatever? I watch my 2 year old niece (she has communication problems, is impulsive, prone to violence and tantrums) and my 6 month old nephew multiple days every week. I still manage to get what i need to done while i'm watching both of them. In fact, when i do stuff like dust, sweep, mop, and organize i let my niece 'help' by giving her small tasks to do and her own duster. That way i can keep an eye on her and get things done...and she is 'helping me' which makes her happy and keeps her from throwing books or dvds off of shelves and on the floor.
I guess what i am trying to say is that you can watch your daughter and get everything together without a man's help. You can call the lawyers until you find one who will help. You can call the domestic violence hotline and ask about a spot in a shelter for you and your daughter (they even have free childcare so you can find a job which they can help you find too). You could make money from home by cooking or baking and selling to people locally or watch other children (babysit) for money in your home.
Finally, please stop believing you need to rely on a man to help you with everything. I know you are in a dark place, but please try to see that you have options available to you. You aren't helpless. Stop believing everything your husband has told you and get in touch with the lawyers and organizations that can help you and your daughter.
A
female
reader, Ruhnay +, writes (28 July 2012):
Ruhnay is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe reason my boyfriend needs to be around is because he is the only one who can help me, no one can watch my daughter, so I jut don't want to do, my husband is still able to keep me in this stupid hole
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A
female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (27 July 2012):
Right now you need to focus on only yourself and your daughter. If you are still married and not divorced, you are technically having an affair with the boyfriend. This is infidelity and does not look good to a judge. It would be a good idea to break things off with him until your divorce is final.
Have you walked into some local banks and credit unions and alked to a representative about opening your own account? You do realize that you do not have to have a bank account to get a paycheck, right? All you need is the paycheck, proper identification and a quick employment verification and many chain grocery stores will cash the check for you and put the money on a debit card or hand you cash after taking only a small fee.
Have you talked to your lawyer about these things? What has he/she told you?
Finally, please call the national domestic abuse hotline. They can point you towards local resources like shelters for women and children who have been forced from their homes by an abusive partner. You need to know what options you have available to you if you could find yourself homeless.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (27 July 2012):
 I am trying to understand how it is legal that he has put an order on you that no one of the opposite sex can see your daughter. That does not make sense to me. So, let's say your daughters go to school and have male teachers? I would contact the police department and see how that is legal.
In most situations where people are separated or divorced, customdy usually goes to the mother. Also, if you can prove he's an unfit father, that would also be to your advantage.
Do you have any family or friends who will help you? I would get this matter settled asap with an attorney. Call the BMV and see how to go about taking a class to get a license. There are probably online driver education courses and then they probably offer a real driving course on the road along with it.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (27 July 2012):
 As you have said yourself you do not neglect your daughter, you are her sole carer, you are her mother and she needs you. A court is not going to take her away from you because your husband is bitter and twisted and does not want another man near his daughter. No judge will think you are a threat to your child, they will see right through your husband and his threats so please do not worry about this. Just be honest with the judge and tell the truth, that is all you can do, good luck.
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