A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a friend, she’s around 8 years younger than me (24). She has always been very nice to me, though she is quite an intense person generally. She’s incredible career obsessed and focused. She recently moved to my department at work. I noticed that she frequently dismantles and badmouths other colleagues behind their backs. She’s always looking for dirt on others. When I met her I never knew or saw this side of her. I genuinely admired her tenacity and intellect and helpfulness. All this wouldn’t be a problem if when I then look on social media and she likes everything the people she has discredited status updates and pictures. I can’t tell if she genuinely is incredibly fickle, playing a game of professional sycophancy to keep everyone sweet, or just tells me things in the moment. I’ve told her on numerous occasions that she doesn’t need to tear others down to elevate herself, but her default mode is looking for faults in others. I don’t know if she has verbal diarrhea, but I’m also scared that if I keep telling her to stop then it will sour our relationship. What she doesn’t realize is once u start bad mouthing people, those reputations stick, whether right or wrong. What she says never tally with what she does. The last thing I want is to create drama with her. She has invited me to dinner at her place, I wanted to cancel as its becoming exhausting to keep telling her I don’t want to share my experiences of others, and she should form her own opinions first. What do I do with people who’s value system is built on career progression to the point of being hypocritical and possibly manipulative? Am I the stupid one for not pretending to like everyone when I don't.
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male
reader, TylerSage  +, writes (27 January 2018):
 As I always say, those willing to talk about others, are willing to talk about you.
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (26 January 2018):
 I have to agree, from what you've described I'm not reading any positive or friend like features from this woman. She sounds as two faced as they come.
You're in a work environment, therefore keep it professional, you don't need to indulge in anything you don't want and if she starts to bad mouth someone again, tell her enough is enough and walk away.
Who knows what she says when your back is turned? Leave her to talk crap to anyone that will listen, but in the workplace, concentrate on what you're being paid to do, ignore what she has to say about others.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (26 January 2018):
 She doesn't sound like a FRIEND at all to me. Sounds like she USED you to get a foot in the door.
She also sounds like a really fake and unpleasant kind of person. NOT someone I would want to associate with.
So, IF I was in your shoes, I would slowly and steadily detach and become unavailable outside of work.
When she (not if) starts to talk smack about a coworker excuse yourself and leave, EVERY time. Maybe she will pick up on that... maybe she won't.
Trust me, sooner or later people will see her for what she is and distance themselves... AND you (by association) and that is never fun in the work place.
I have NO issues with people who are ambitious and willing to work hard to climb the ladder, but to spread malicious gossip and talk UNTRUE smack about others behind they back is disgusting.
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