A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:What should I think of this? I'm feeling negative and weird about it. I've been together with my boyfriend for over only half a year. I think it's natural to make suggestions for someone you care about when they are going through a problem. He is trying to lose weight and the progress isn't going so well. He vented to me recently but seemed annoyed when I made comments to remind him what he should eat or do. I'm just trying to help but he just told me to stop doing that. He said I shouldnt advise him on something unless he asks. That was harsh to me but he doesn't seem to care when I told him.
View related questions:
lose weight Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (30 January 2018):
 Honestly weight can be a touchy subject for many people. He is obviously struggling and he probably knows what he should do to help him loose weight so I doubt he needs you to tell him. The best thing to do is support him without actually telling him what to do. You could suggest you both do more active activities together but don't mention weight as you now know that it is a touchy subject for him.
Also if you are cooking meals you could cook low fat meals without actually bringing it up to him.
A
female
reader, DrSheilaD  +, writes (27 January 2018):
Half of a year. You have been dating for a mere 6 months? What was his weight when you started dating?
Nice that he wants to lose weight but you accepted him over weight on date one.
Now that he wants to lose weight, your input says (to someone feeling insecure)- I dated you fat, but thin would be better.
Want to be with this fat/thin guy? Say nothing. He does not need your input. You do not have enough relationship to sustain it.
And, guess what. If he loses the weight, he will dump you for someone who loves him thin. He won't want the reminder you liked him overweight.
...............................
A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (26 January 2018):
Your bf has made it clear he doesn’t want advice. Stop giving it unless he ask for it.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (26 January 2018):
 In this case you are the "fixer" and he is the "venter".
Some people wants to FIX everything for everybody even if the other person don't WANT their "solution".
In this case your BF JUST wanted to vent about his weight-loss not being as fast as he want it to be, he didn't WANT advice, just a little sympathy & support.
So next time, just ask him WHAT can I do to help?
I also think he is VERY touchy about the subject (just like a woman would be about her weight) which might be why he was sounding harsh. He might have felt your advice was criticism not support.
If he wants to do this on his own (or FAIL on his own) you have to let him. You are not his mother and you don't need to remind him to eat his greens and brush his teeth.
While your advice is probably great, sometimes we HAVE to just listen.
...............................
A
male
reader, Allumeuse  +, writes (26 January 2018):
There is nothing less likely to be taken on board as unsolicited advice. If he wants your advice he'll ask for it.
Don't take it personally- put yourself in his shoes, if there's something he does well and you do badly, something you are sensitive to, would you hand on heart be wide open to accepting advice basically telling you, you're doing it wrong. Probably not.
He probably could be doing it better, you probably do have some good advice, but you can't make him take it and you are annoying him. It's pointless so stop.
...............................
|
