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anonymous
writes: Hi aunts (and uncles) I just need to get opinions on what to do next - I am with my guy over 2 years and we split up nearly 4 weeks ago over something silly and stupid (even tho it was mostly my fault/idea to break up in the first place). But we met and talked things through and he wanted us to go on a “break” for a weeks and that things would "take time". I have been trying so hard not to think about him, not to ring or text him but… he’s the last thing on my mind when I go to bed, first thing on my mind when I wake up, I keep thinking about him through out the day, every text or call I’m hoping its him. I have had only one text from him since that day… I'm not eating properly or sleeping at nite cos I spend all my time wondering and thinking about him... I love him to bits and he means the world to me. I told him that in an email 2 weeks ago but I didn’t hear anything from him since. I’m just wondering how long should I wait for him to contact me or I should I make the first move and contact him first? I don’t know what to do for the best and would really appreciate some advice from both men and women…Does it look like I don’t care about him if I don’t contact him or does it make me look needy and desperate if I do? Thanks
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (30 July 2008):
 It seems like you're still in love and wished he would come back if you met with him. That is natural. However, stick to the hard facts: if he really wanted to be with you, he would be calling you and meeting with you by now. I think he isn't serious about you. I know you want to wait a little more. Set yourself a deadline, and, if he doesn't come to you by then, forget about him.
Wish you the best, dear poster.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi everyone...
Well myself and my ex have been in contact over the last 4-5 months since we split... Just small talk and nothing about us. On Saturday nite he txt me to say he was going to be in my local town on a stag/bucks nite and was I out. I was on a girls nite out in another town and told him so. Next day he txt again small talk about the nite and goin home etc. I just said we were on the way home also and left it at that. He txt me at 6pm to see if I would meet him for a drink...?? He was out with his friends from the nite before still...
I left it for a while before replying and not even saying yes/no at that stage but in the end met up with him and had a good nite. And yes I stupidly ended up sleeping with him... Now I feel silly and stupid for that. I haven't heard anything from him but I haven't contacted him either... I'm not sure what his game is/was - very confused now over it all
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2008): After a two year relationship, I don't think it really matters how it will make you look if you contact him first....if it was mostly your fault/idea that you two broke up, then I guess it is you who needs to make ammends or is it? If it was something silly, then why did you break up? Ask yourself that question and then proceed from there.
I think 4 weeks is long enough not to speak, so if you want call him or drop in on him and ask him to meet you for an outing and don't rehash what happened right away even if he brings it up, just say, oh, I don't want to go over that right now, I am over it, are you? And then just
be together and enjoy each other's company without pressure....give him the idea that you are not going to be angry and emotional, but calm and cool as a cucumber and not needy or convincing him to come back to you. Let him see that you are fine with or without him, let his emotions calm down and then perhaps he will miss you.
If you want, wait four more weeks for his call, he most likely will call you within 8 weeks of the split, but if he doesn't it is because he is trying to get over you and wants to move on. Ask yourself if you really want to keep working on a relationship all by yourself, if he isn't putting forth the effort, then there is not much you can do except what I suggested above, make contact, and let him know you care, but are fine on your own if that is what he truly wants....
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male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (7 April 2008):
Dear poster, who hasn't been where you are now? I think I can relate to the hell you're living in.
I believe that in these sort of situations, what you need the most is what I would call solid ground. You need to know the facts, to interpret them correctly, and to act as the circumstances demand. This is difficult because your senses get numbed and you can't think straight. It is also difficult because only too often the other person does not speak clearly.
This is the hard fact: he broke up with you, and he didn't agree to coming back. You told him you love him and he means your world, and he didn't respond. Where does that leave you? You don't have a boyfriend, and he doesn't want to go back to you. That's where you stand with him.
You could try to talk to him forever, to get him to change his mind, but that would be much worse. You would become a nuisance.
This pain you're going through is just horrible. However, in a way, you're in control of it. It will last for as long as you don't move on. So, you have a way to end it: you just try to move on and the pain will stop. Once that happens, you will be able to open your heart again and find someone who will love you.
It won't be easy, but you can do it. We all have, dear.
Try to live your life without him in it. It will be very difficult at first, but it will become easier over time. Just don't resist the change and the moving on.
Take care.
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A
female
reader, 19agegap  +, writes (7 April 2008):
move on. if he comes back, he's meant to be
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