A
female
age
30-35,
*ikieangel23
writes:Hey guys,I'm just wondering but in a relationship, how much things should you have I'm common with? Should you "think" the same way and have every interest or hobbies the same to make it work Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (20 March 2013):
In many ways, me and my fiancee are complete opposites. Shes Colombian and from a tropical climate. Im northern European decent from a cold climate. Shes 5 ft and 100 lbs. Im 6ft and 190 lbs. She lives for today. Im always planning the future. She is type B and passive. I am type A and aggressive. She loves to dance. I love to box and shoot guns. Yes, we agree on basic issues - religion (for the most part), family, right and wrong, but how we conduct our lives and who we are, we couldn't be more different. You know what, in five years we have barely argued. The sex is amazing and frequent. I def would not want to be married to someone just like me. It would be horrible. There is a reason for the phrase "opposites attract." Im living it.
A
male
reader, LivingWithBadDecisions  +, writes (19 March 2013):
 I read your past post. move on from him because he doesnt want to be with you. you dont have in common what he wants in a relationship.
dont obsess over him so much because it stops you moving on.
Cooper
...............................
A
female
reader, mikieangel23 +, writes (19 March 2013):
mikieangel23 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhat about if you have the same religion but different hobbies? And he doesn't really like what you do but supports it. Mentally, we think the same way and play instruments but I don't constantly talk about God the way he does.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 March 2013):
 Not in theory but often in practice. It depends from the religion ( some religions severely prohibit the believers to marry or even date people from other religions ) but most of all from the person. Some people are more tolerant and open minded than others, and feel that everybody has the right to their own spiritual path, and to FIND the love of God rather than having it shoved down their troat. Some others have the private cell no.of God , they 've figured it all out and they KNOW what's the "right " way to do anything. And since apparently the second type is more numerous than the first...sigh.
In general, and regardless of religion, Llifton is correct, several psychology studies show us that " opposite attract " - superficially, at skin level. Because differences generate curiosity, excitement and sexual tension. But to last ,there must be a certain degree of sameness and compatibility in the couple.
That of course does not mean you have to be Siamese twins, for instance it's not really relevant to have ALL the same interests and hobbies, of course it's nice if you have SOME to spend time together on, but otherwise it really does not matter if you like chick flics and he likes football games, you don't have to be together 24/7 and each one can pursue their own interests by themselves or with friends. It is important , instead, to share the same, or similar, core values in terms of general life vision, ethics, priorities, etc.
...............................
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (19 March 2013):
 you know the old saying "opposites attract?" well yes, it's true that they do. but it's also misleading. the entire truth is that opposites attract but rarely last. it's a well known fact in social psychology and studying love and compatibility. couples must have some sort of groundwork of things in common to be able to make it last for the long run.
we have an innate desire to find what's "exotic to be erotic." yes, i know i sound like such a psychologist right now, but it's a reality. we are drawn to what we aren't accustomed to. this also is in reference to human sexuality as a whole. if you grew up playing with only girls, you're more likely to find boys attractive. if you grew up playing with only boys, well, the opposite is true. of course, this is not true in all cases, but you get the point. anyway, this also applies to differences in personality. if someone is very different than us, we tend to be drawn to them. but the problem is that when all the chemicals of love wear off and we are left solely with what we have in common to make our relationship last, we realize we have no framework and it all comes crashing down.
having things in common is a must. basically, if you have nothing in common, how do you plan to share a life together? it's impossible.
i'm not saying that you have to have everything in common. what fun would it be to date yourself? but sharing common goals and beliefs/dreams/aspirations is a huge deal. hope this helps.
...............................
A
female
reader, mikieangel23 +, writes (19 March 2013):
mikieangel23 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAhh that's true. It probably matters more to him. My dad goes to church every week but my mom doesn't and thats fine with him but I guess depends on other people
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 March 2013):
 Religion can be a deal breaker especially when it comes to raising children.
Based on the scenario you provide, I"m not sure how much of a problem it will be if you and the bf are of the same religion and level of observance does not dictate total lifestyle rules.
For example an orthodox Jew would keep kosher inside and outside of their home while a conservative jew may only keep it inside the home but not outside the home and a reformed Jew does not keep kosher at all...
it would be impossible for an Orthodox Jew and a Reformed Jew to make a relationship work. Their level of observance is just far apart.
I know plenty of families where the mom goes to church every sunday with the kids and dad stays home...
it's going to be different for everyone. Only you or your partner can determine if level of religious observance is a deal breaker.
...............................
A
female
reader, mikieangel23 +, writes (19 March 2013):
mikieangel23 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwhat about if the person was super religious (christian) and you were too, but not "as" religious. Like only going to church sometimes but believing in God and he did everything in church - such as activities, etc. Would that be a deal breaker?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2013): When I first met my current boyfriend (of 4 yrs) we didn't really have anything in common at all, for example he loves swimming and I can't stand it, he likes rock and I like hip hop, he will eat anything and I eat hardly anything. However over the 4 years we have grown to enjoy things together. Ill now watch him swimming, I like some of his music, I eat more food, I watch tv shows that he likes.I think that if you are too alike the relationship will be boring as conversation would be 'I like that' 'yh me too' and that's it. Differences give you a point of discussion :) So I would say a few similar likes are needed but really being open minded and welcome to try new things will help in the long run :) x J x
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 March 2013):
oh wouldn't that be so boring to think exactly the same and like exactly the same things all the time. My husband and i have very little in common... we met doing our favorite hobby (board gaming) but other than that... not muchwe like different foods (it works better for cooking if you both eat similar foods0we like different music (and for the most part I can tolerate and even have learned to like what he listens to but when on my own I still listen to "my music"we watch pretty much the same tv showswe have different sleep patterns...
...............................
|
