A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello there :) Thank you for sharing your thoughts if you decide to answer. Since the new year has started, many couples around me broke up or there were people that started a new relationship. Many of my classmates are around the age of 22 or older and I am the only one in my class who still has a relationship with my first love (from 16 till now, 21).Many have already had some relationships in the past and I just wonder: how many people stay with their first love and did they regret not trying something new at some point?I sometimes wonder how the single life as a teenager or young adult could have been.I'm not unhappy or anything of the sort. Quite on the contrary, my boyfriend and I have a very strong relationship that grows better by the day!However...I never experienced anything else outside him. He was my first in almost every single thing. I wouldn't have asked this question if I didn't have some nagging feeling about this.I dread the moment that either I or him will stop loving the other and the break-up that will follow. I dread the moment that I have to endure the whole experience again, from having a crush to dating a new person. I really have to start anew..I have a good life with my first love and long-term boyfriend, but am I missing out? Should I experience other things because I feel like I should have done when I was still a teenager?How many stay with their first and those who do, could you give me some advice? Lingering thoughts about the future scare me, sometimes. Thank you.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2015): My partner and I first met when we were both teenagers. We were first friends, went about our separate ways to obtain our college and graduate educations. He went to law school, and became a lawyer. We both kept a tight friendship between us; but we dated women, traveled, and had time apart to experience life and enjoy our independence.
Then, we came out to each other, and realized we cared for each other much more deeply than only friends. We were in-love. We moved-in together, and remained monogamous. It lasted 28 years. He died of cancer. This was before gay marriage was legal here.
You see, there was a time we were able to meet and date other people. Apart, we were able to see what life was like on our own, and we weren't held together by co-dependency.
Our love must have grown stronger while away from each other; but we always saw each other on holidays, vacations, and special occasions. Then went back to living our own lives and our own careers.
We did have strong ties between us, but we felt we both needed to grow and see what the world was like on our own terms, and out on our own. You are now an adult, and the hometown girl you used to be is fading away. Your sense of independence is surfacing, just like it did for me and my life-partner. We never recognized our relationship as romantic, although we sensed a strange attraction between us. It was harder for him to come to terms with being gay, I kept my life secret out of guilt; and for religious reasons. Then once we became adults, had shed all our fears, we understood who we are and what we wanted.
Each other.
If you need room for growth, it doesn't mean you have to remain in one place. You have to discover yourself. You have to view the world out of the confines of your hometown. You're sensing your own individuality, and it will nag at you until it is satisfied. Been there and done that.
It would be good for you to date other young men to learn more about personality-types. To determine what type of man is your best match, and to sense your own individuality as a woman. You may feel you have an obligation to stay with your boyfriend; because of the familiarity and attachment between you. As time passes, you may decide you do want to date other guys; but wait until then. Appreciate and enjoy what you have. Don't let what other people are doing influence your reasoning and decisions. Do what you do for your own good and for growth. This may only be a passing feeling; because of what you see around you, it may simply go away.
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