A
female
age
36-40,
*onfuzzled_in_cville
writes:Hi, got a conundrum. My BD and I have been separated since before our kids were born. 4 years later we are chill coparents, our families are still close. A friend of his has caught my eye. I didn't see him often but he just had such a kind and loyal vibe. I finally told my ex I thought his friend was cute and it found it's way to my crush. Of course he thought it was a joke. We've been talking throughout the past 2 days. Last night we broke the ice about our interest in getting to know each other more than our passingbys. Now I have bipolar and while I'm medicated I'm hypersexual right now and I haven't had any in more than a year. It's hard to trust my judgement with my mind so clouded. How long should we wait for sexting or sex? Any article online doesn't fit my scenario. My ex won't get mad so that's not an issue. Help meeeee
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (15 May 2022):
 That is really up to you.
Since he is a friend of your ex, I would probably give a good 3-6 months. Yes, that seems long but getting to know someone takes time, and figuring out if this is a person that is a potential long-term partner takes time too. TAKE your time.
Sexting might be fun, but you "could" technically do that with ANYONE. Right? It's all make-believe and pretend, right?
So if you want something SERIOUS, BE serious about making an effort to get to know him.
Getting a "vibe" that he kind and loyal is one thing, KNOWING he is kind and loyal is another. People can SEEM like one person - in public and with strangers and be a whole other person in private.
Spend time together IN person with this guy. Don't build a "relationship" over text. See how he behaves around you. Around others. Does he treat others nicely? Like wait-staff? Random people? What are his values? Morals? Views on kids, politics, religion, etc. In short, WHAT do you two have in common?
While I get it's been a while with sex, dropping sex into the mix too early doesn't always help.
See if he is compatible as a person, if he is, THEN see if he is compatible as a lover.
Nothing wrong in taking your time.
And DO try and have dates WITHOUT the kids. While he probably knows your kids a little, I'd say hold off on introducing him (or any other potential partner) until you have established that you BOTH want to be in a committed relationship and have been for a while, basically 9-12 months down the road. Kids don't need a revolving door of "mommy's special friend" around until he IS someone who will be there long-term.
At least that would be my approach.
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