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How far would you be prepared to travel to a friends wedding? Is the very expensive proposition even practical with my girlfriend and one year old baby?

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Question - (8 August 2018) 7 Answers - (Newest, 11 August 2018)
A male United Kingdom age 36-40, *ig Baz writes:

How far would you be prepared to travel to a friends wedding?

Hello everyone! After some honest and friendly advice regarding an up coming opportunity. I live in the UK and one of my closest friends lives in Auz. He has decide to go ahead and get married to his boo. They are going to hold the wedding ceremony on a remote island namely somewhere in the Fijian district. Looks amazing online with white sandy beaches and luxury apartments. Here is where my concern arises. Me and my partner have recently just had a child. He will be around 1 when the wedding rolls round. I’m not an avid traveller and so my question is, is it unreasonable to politely turn down the wedding invite? My GF is a teacher. She would have to take special leave to allow us to go and we could only go for 7-8 days. 2 would be the flight out and 2 would be the flight back. At an estimate is will cost around £4500 and it is a 32 Hour flight there and back. This would be with a one year old? Would this be a fun experience or is it something that sounds good but practically would be awful? Thanks

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (11 August 2018):

Honeypie agony auntI would ask them. What would you two really like for a wedding present.

I think ANY good friend would understand that the cost and THAT many hours flight is just too much for your little family at the moment.

AND you COULD send the present to Auz instead of Fiji :) That might save some money too.

OR you can contact his mom/dad/siblings and ask them for the wedding gift list if there is one, or for what THEY think would be a good idea.

THEY made the plan to get married in Fiji (don't blame them it must be gorgeous!!) but that also means they have to be realistic with how many can afford the trip and ABLE to make the trip.

Don't feel bad. Find a way to show your happiness for them in some other way.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2018):

Would he do the same for you? ...

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A male reader, Big Baz  United Kingdom +, writes (9 August 2018):

Big Baz is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Ok that’s kind of what my thoughts were. It’s seems like a dream holiday for singles and couples but due to us having a small child and now being a family I don’t fancy or think it’s fair to take him on a 32 Hour journey. I just feel like my friend and his girlfriend are going to be really dissapointed and possibly hold it against me. Any advice on a good wedding present would come in handy? It would need to be something to send long haul or money.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (9 August 2018):

None of it seems practical with a 1 year-old! Hustling your way through an international airport, making flight connections, and then on-land travel to your destination. That's all rough on adults; let alone toddlers who can barely walk or talk.

They can't sleep and get grumpy due to all the commotion of travel. They get earaches from high-altitude, cranky from sitting in the same position for hours; and the unfamiliar surroundings and strange faces are quite frightening for them. Three year-olds handle travel much better. They can talk and tell you what's the matter!

Just having a child over the past year. Is this fiscally feasible? Don't be ashamed to admit it if the cost of the trip and accommodations are too much. I've been to a couple of destination-weddings; and all I had to pay for was my flight. Hotels, meals, hotel bar, and other accommodations were pre-paid for all the guests. There was little out of pocket. On both occasions, my first-class round-trip flights totaled $3000 to $48OO in American currency.

It would only be a fun experience for adults, not a rambunctious teething 1 year-old! I think a great gift and a lovely card would be great!

If you finally decide to go, you may need to ask your in-laws or parents to baby-sit for a week. I don't think that's feasible; when older people haven't had to deal with a child that age for over 40 years! Who could you trust with a child that age? I know the trip is tempting; but you've got to use your common-sense. I think you should all plan a future vacation together to make up for it.

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (8 August 2018):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntThis is why, whilst holiday weddings can be magical, you have to be understanding when people can't afford to go.

Don't go. Buy a nice present and lightheartedly suggest you'd attend a more local reception, if they ever decide to do one :)

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (8 August 2018):

Honeypie agony auntHonestly?

I would stick to buying a really nice present. While travelling with a little one (in general) doesn't HAVE to be tough.. a 32 HOURS travel/flight with a little one will be. No doubt.

I also think with a new baby and everything there is probably a LOT more PRACTICAL things you and your wife can spend that 4,500 on!

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (8 August 2018):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntIf your friend has other friends who live so far away, there will be others who will not be able to make the wedding either, so I think he will be expecting some people not being able to make it.

The money aside (you don't say whether spending £4.5K is a problem for you or not), travelling that sort of distance with a toddler will not be ANYONE's idea of a picnic.

Do you WANT to go? All things considered, if you feel that you don't really want to go, rsvp with a polite letter saying, given your child's age and your wife's employment situation, you will not be able to be with them on this occasion. Wish them a wonderful day, arrange a gift and perhaps offer an alternative meeting (if the newly-weds come over to UK or anywhere nearer). Or perhaps plan to travel to meet with them sometime in the future, when your wife can take more time off and your child is slightly older.

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