A
female
age
,
*amy
writes:Looking for tools. I come to the realisation that if my husband and I hadnt got married we wouldve have parted a long time ago. We've made our bed and now have to lie in it. We used to be very passionatly in love, but love isnt enough. Is is possible to pretend that your happy and accepting if you dont feel it, and how do you do it? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Tamy +, writes (29 October 2008):
Tamy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHow is having 2 diferent phylosophies being lazy? He believes this, I believe that. If neither is it not an irreconcilable diference?
A
male
reader, previasc96  +, writes (28 October 2008):
irreconcilable differences? That's called and excuse to be lazy! Love not just a feeling. Love is what you do. it's action. you have to work to keep the love in your relationship alive!
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A
male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (24 October 2008):
 You dear have issues that extend far beyond this marriage, and have this great reluctance to leave your comfort zone, fearing the unknown. This is the mark of a damaged person, and you will find it difficult to even acknowledge the damage while you stay in a relationship that has not been a boon to your self esteem.
Your man has given you the option to end the marriage. A confident woman would not think twice about kicking his ass out on the street, or taking her son with her to the nearest women's shelter. A woman like that probably would never consider marrying a guy like your husband in the first place.
If you want to become the kind of woman I described, it will take a great deal of work and the right kind of support system. I guarantee you won't find this support system within your marriage. Good luck and take care.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2008): you cannot pretend to be in love.Its not right even if you can act really well enough to win an Academy award.I believe love needs to be worked on.My husband takes me out on dates every weekend.We send love cards.Lots and Lots of hugs and kisses everyday.we goof around.tell jokes.It takes an effort to make a happy marriage.Sit down and think what have you done to contribute to his happiness.Put a list as to what could be done to salvage your marriage.If its plain boredom that makes you feel as if the love has vanished you are going to face this in each and every relationship.Talk everyday.Talk!Talk!Talk!if only we do that no couple will get bored.
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A
female
reader, Tamy +, writes (24 October 2008):
Tamy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionReply to For a reason. There is a financial aspect sure but not insurmountable. I have a ten year old - not his. I cant really answer why I wont end it except that we're married.. married! you gotta stay, try. He has said he wont that it is up to me. He does want to try but I feel it falls under the irreconsilable (lol sp?) diference category. He has had text flirtations with other women, we have cultural diferences, he is too strict with my kids (I have an older child who left home) Lots of stuff. Im very insecure
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A
female
reader, for_a_reason  +, writes (24 October 2008):
 Why do you feel as if you have to 'lie in your bed?' Do you have children? Are you financially dependable? Would leaving be too difficult/too much hassle?
You can't possibly want to stay in a marriage where love has completely vanished? Pretending that you're happy in your marriage would be a lie - both to your husband and to yourself.
Perhaps you should think about couples counselling, or talk to your husband about how to reignite your passion for one another?
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