A
male
age
51-59,
*azyGuy
writes:Not really a problem, just curious.This spring my girlfriend took a trip to see her family and she had been preparing her luggage and I noticed she had put in some t-shirts of mine. She frequently wears them as night shirts but there were from my used pile I noticed so I put them in the wash for her. Turns out that wasn't what she wanted. It took a bit of probing but turned out she uses them as a pillow cover when I am away (I often have to travel for work, in fact most of the times I post here I am in some hotel bored out of my mind) because the smell helps her sleep.This seems odd to me, is it? In my experience most women get rather upset when guys do things like throw their socks at the wall and wear the ones that don't stick or turn their underwear inside-out so they last another week (oh come one, like you never have), so to then find out she uses my dirty clothes on purpose seems strange.Do any other women do things like this, do men?For that matter, she was a bit hurt when I said I had no trouble sleeping alone. Is that me being insensitive or what?So the question: What do you do when you do not share a bed with your long term partner. A: Just sleep.B: Finally, the whole bed for myself.C: Mimic their presence in some way.
View related questions:
my ex, underwear Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, LazyGuy +, writes (20 June 2008):
LazyGuy is verified as being by the original poster of the question Well I do miss her but I am used to have to travel. In my younger years I was away so much I didn't even own a house, just went to a hotel when for some reason I was "at home". So sleeping away is the norm for me.
But yeah I did figure out that she took it to mean I didn't miss her. I do have a picture of her to put besides the hotel bed, that was something she didn't know. It just surprised me that she reacted so strongly about it, she is a tomboy and not often this "girly". But we talked the missing each other out already.
The reason I find it so odd is because the common image is that women don't like the smell of sweat and in order to get a girl we guys are told by our moms that we need to shower, wear deodorant and even change our clothes! (Scythe you just don't want to know about what guys do before they find out about girls or when girls are not around.)
To then find out that your girlfriend who insists the bed sheets are changed instead of just allowed to mold away over the years uses your worn clothes as a pillow case. Well I just found it odd.
But I suppose it is also sweet if I think about as her missing my presence.
Thanks for your answers. It had been puzzling me for a while.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2008): She's saying she misses you. You don't need to do the same thing, but could tell her other ways you miss her maybe.
It's good that you see the positives of sleeping alone, better than mimicing their presence as this would just make you miss them more.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2008): I should feel overwhelmingly flattered that she wishes to do this - what a way to say she loves you. Not at all weird or odd. In a past relationship, my then lady would keep my 'deposit' in her 'bank' long after she left for home, without clearing it out because she said she could take a real part of me with her - oh, did I ever feel loved!
What do I do when my long-term partner is away? Miss them like hell! (Why have a partner at all if you don't miss them?)
I suppose we're all different!
...............................
A
male
reader, StudentOfLife  +, writes (20 June 2008):
 C: Mimic their presence in some way.
I like to cuddle a lot, when she wasn't there, I was falling asleep with her pillows between my arms.
All depends on the person really.
...............................
A
female
reader, scythe  +, writes (20 June 2008):
 I can't answer honestly because I don't have a long term partner, but I do like to borrow some possesion of my boyfriend (ie: jumper, gloves, beanie) because it reminds me of him (smell, or otherwise) but that might just be because its winter here and im bloody freezing!! lol
I can relate to and understand your girlfriend completely though. Be flattered, not creeped out that she finds your presence and scent comforting.
Personally, I am a mix of all three options, A B and C. After spending the weekend at my boyfriends place, im relieved to have my own bed back, but dissapointed he is not around, and sometimes i just dont care and fall asleep.
You might want to tell her that the fact that you can sleep if she is around or not DOES not mean you dont miss her. She probably interpreted it in the same way as the first person to reply to your question did. Just reiterate that you do miss her, but you naturally sleep well no matter where you are!
On a slightly related note, I once sprayed a soft toy with my usual perfume and gave it to my boyfriend, since I enjoy his scent when I dont see him I thought he would feel the same way. Initially he was kinda creeped out and the teddy sits facing the wall on his bedside table hahaha but I think he doesnt mind it so much now.
Oh and, I've never heard of people turning their underwear inside out so they can wear it for longer hehehe men are perplexing sometimes.
...............................
A
female
reader, Susan Strict  +, writes (20 June 2008):
 How do I sleep?
Without the snoring, farting, belching, wriggling around, twitching, talking in his sleep?
MUCH better.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (20 June 2008):
 When my husband goes away for long periods of time I sometimes sleep in his t-shirts, when I can smell his aftershave.. its comforting! I think it is so sweet that she uses your t-shirts to remind her of you....
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2008): I can relate to that; think I know how she feels; the smell of the person is comforting.
I did that years ago after my partner of 6 years passed away, I puffed a pillow, put one of his (unwashed) T shirts over it; the smell was comforting and I could sleep better.
However:
After my divorce, it was different, then it was vow, the entire bed to myself!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2008): in my experience, yes when ur partner is away u miss them alot. it is kind of insensitive to say that u dont miss her... i would be furious too. ok if u have to lie about it. lie about it. she needs to no u miss her and shes not the only one going thru that pain.
It doesnt seem wierd at all to me. when i went on holiday i took my boyfriends chain. i wouldve loved a shirt but i was too afraid to ask. if hes not there i always hug my pillow next to me when i sleep.
...............................
|
