A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:How do you know if you have done the right thing in breaking up with a long term partner?Ive been unhappy with our relationship for a while, (the things he does and doesnt do etc) but i have also been unhappy with myself for a while too. im not sure if ive broken up with him because im am unhappy with him or its because im unhappy with myself.Im so upset and cant imagine life without him but i know i need to get myself back on track before i can truely be happy with anyone else, i need to do this for myself but all i can think about is sorting out myself to make us happy!Im scared i will turn my life around and then want to be back together with him but he will have moved on but i cant see anyway we can be together while im so depressed with everything.Maybe i will sort my self out then realise i dont love him anymore? Its just the pain seems to hard to bare right now, How do you know you have done the right thing?
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female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (18 July 2008):
 the other poster is right - this is a good question.
it is normal to feel like this after a break up - esp if it was long term or love was involved. its normal to feel sad and think that you wanna get back together - after all you have been through with this person you cant expect your feelings for them to just shut down you know?
however maybe you do still truly love him and want to be with him. have the 2 of you talked about why you broke up and did you let him know that you need to work on yourself before anyone else? i think you need to let him know how you are feeling and why you broke up. maybe let him know that you need space for now but you do still care about him and would like to give it another go in the future.
however, you also need to be prepared that he may not wait around for you and may meet someone else. or vice versa.
you obviously need time to yourself - and this time will also make you see how you truly feel about him. only time will tell after all.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (18 July 2008):
 This is a very good question.
Sometimes, a relationship is very good and you end it, because you don't really appreciate what you had. Some other times, the relationship is very bad, but you stay in it because you fail to realize just how bad it is. And then there are the situations when you know for sure that you have to go away, or stay.
Your case is one of those difficult situations in which you're not really sure. In that case, only time can tell whether you did the right thing or not. You might regret it, you might not, but then life is about making decisions. You will make a mistake off and on, and the trick is to learn from those mistakes you do make. And, of course, to recognize mistakes as such :-).
Also, sometimes we do know the decision was right but the bad aspects of leaving overcome us.
I can't advise you to go in one way or another. That's something only you can tell.
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