A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:How do you get over being used and abused? Ive had two serious relationships and both were abusive- mentally/emotionally, verbally, sexually and on the way to physical abuse, but they both ended before the physical abuse got too bad. I feel so insecure and hate myself. I feel so down in general about things and cry so often. I dont feel liek anyone understands how much this has effected me. My friends just tell me to get over it. They make me feel like my feelings are invalid and that I am overeacting. And in someways they seem like they were on the side of my abusive ex bf. This hurts so much!! It makes me feel guilty and like im at fault. I cant help but think if only I was better then I would of never been used and abused. I keep trying to improve myself but it doesnt make me feel any better because whats done is done....how do i move on??? how long does it take to get over something like this?? my first abusive relationship ended last august, and the last one ended april this year.
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female
reader, sfrancis  +, writes (27 May 2008):
 My Sister, My Sister.
You must learn to love yourself. No one else can love you, until you love you. Find some self-help books to read Surround yourself with positive thinking people. Remember misery loves company. You do not need anyone in your life that has no goals of his or her own. Get you a mirror and see whom you can find in it. You must look deep and find a person so pretty until you can deny that she assists.
Get a relationship with God and know that he loves you. And will never leave you neither forsake you. However he will never force you either. Because he loves just that much.
A
female
reader, HonningKanin  +, writes (27 May 2008):
 I think you need some time to discover your self to love yourself again because I am getting a good degree of low self-esteem from you. You may want to take some therepy classes to vent out your anger and talk to someone who can talk to you and help you find your self worth again.
Its unfortunate, but perfectly normal to feel the way you do after abusive relationship. The abuser has done his work by making you feel like you are nothing and that you are dirt that you probably believe it and you believe you are the reason for the bad things that happen when its not true at all. You will need to become secure in yourself again and have self worth before you could ever enter another relationship because you will unfortunately drag all those bad emotions and fears into the next one. Also if you dont find your own source of inner power you may just end up attracting the same type of men because that is just all you have been used to.
As for your friends they will not understand completely how you feel unless they have been through it themselves and it may feel like they are just telling you to get over it when in actuallity they just dont know how to better advise you.
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