A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hey :) i could really use some advice ? well i live in a house with my mum and my grandma unforutnely due to some confusion with the bank, me and my mum lost our old house and had no choice but to move in with my grandma. At first everything was fine. my grandma has always been a very kind and intelligent women and ive never had any problems living with her. But then things started going down hill. My grandma has a few brothers and sisters but she only talks to two of them last year and unfortunely her brother passed away in Novemeber and hit us all really bad. It was extreamly hard for us to get over and because he lived in another country it cousted alot of money to arrange his funeral which put my grandma in alot of debt. after a couple of months me and my mum got back on our feet and stoped mouring for him but unforutnly my grandmother didnt, we understood why and helped her along. But then she started drinking, it wasnt that bad but then it got worse. every night she started having a bottle of wine. She didnt get really drunk and start swearing and passing out. But she just got grumpy and very oppionative. We saw that her drinking was getting out of hand and shes old and we dont want her drinking herself into and early grave, when we asked her to stop she started making up excuses saying shes old and can do what she wants she kept on the turning everything around and blameing it all on us. Since then thinngs have gotten worse we cant convince her to stop and everytime we do she just turns things on us. But now even when she doesnt have a drink shes very distant and grumpy she is always complaining and moaning at us its really become a nightmare to live with the women ! and other members of the family have noticed it too. we are telling her on sunday that if she doesnt stop drinking we are going to get the whole family into the matter. Its really getting my mum and me down, so does anyone have any suggestions on ways we can convince her to stop or perhaps how we can deal with and ahoolic ? or what we should do when shes drinking ? or any next steps we could take ? Anything will help thanks ! :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2011): You may want to find an Ala-teen meeting and go. It's really helpful for kids who are dealing with someone in their life that drinks. Great people there who know exactly what you're going through and can offer some very helpful advice.
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (16 April 2011):
Hi there. It seems like your grandmother is very depressed over the loss of her brother. Quite often when people are depressed, they cope by drinking alcohol - believing it will numb the negative feelings. It does numb the bad feelings for a short time, but only while the affects of alcohol last.
So consequently, the continued drinking helps her convince herself that she is coping. Of course, that couldn't be further from the truth.
The only problem is, alcohol is a depressant itself, which naturally makes the already existing problem much worse. And of course, not to mention the damage to her liver over time as well.
It's probably going to be hard to convince her of this, no doubt. You could try, it's worth a try surely.
Perhaps she is the type of person, who finds it hard to let her depressed, grieving feelings out - by crying. If she could cry, that would help her much more than drinking ever would.
Dealing with grief can't be avoided altogether. Crying is a great stress reliever. Walking is great for depression and helps balance the chemicals in the brain that affect moods.
Unfortunately, you can't force her to stop her drinking even as much as you care about her. That decision must come from her only. You can't do it for her.
You could also try to encourage her to drink water to rehydrate her.
The other thing is, do you want to go on living there with her under these circumstances? Every day and night you and your mother are exposed to this. So because of this, it's stressful to you both also. And stress as we all know, is no good for your health and wellbeing.
Perhaps you, your mother and your grandmother could all go out on a walk together, and make it a regular event.
Tell her she can't take her bottle with her. That has to stay at home.
If you could encourage your grandmother to go out walking with the 2 of you, it will at the very least give her a change of scenery - from just staring at 4 walls all day and night. The fresh air and being with nature, will do her a whole lot of good. You never know, she might just enjoy it.
You won't get her to walk on her own, but the chances are good that she will go with both of you.
The other advantage of going for long walks (say 30 minutes to about 1 hour) - is as you all walk, you can talk. You will find that the conversations will just flow and you can talk about life, everything.
If you do manage to get her to walk with the 2 of you, when you walk, don't whatever you do bring up the subject of her drinking. Otherwise, she will feel like she's being set upon and might just head home by herself very quickly. Then your mission is lost, and you do not want that.
So just talk about the things you see on your walk, nice houses, nice gardens and trees, the birds, the weather - anything at all. But not about her drinking at all. Also, don't mention Alcoholics Anonymous either - that's a no-no.
The idea is, we want to encourage her - not DIScourage.
Just let her talk about her feelings in her own way. Give her that freedom, then things will flow much more smoothly I promise you.
There really is a good chance for success here.
A few years ago when my sister was having problems in her marriage, we both went for a few long walks together, in the local park and talked the whole time. We just talked about everything and of course mainly, what was happening in her life. My sister said that she felt really good about things after our walk and what we talked about.
I personally, have always found that walking is very therapeutic for me, when I walk just on my own. So many thoughts and ideas come to mind and I feel great after I'm back home again.
Going for walks is also excellent for making you feel more relaxed and helps you to sleep better at night.
I really recommend it for anyone. Doctors have widely recognized how beneficial walking is for treating depression. It definitely does elevate the mood.
Try it anyway, I really believe it will help.
Take care and best wishes.
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