A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Ok so I am engaged and in the process of planning my wedding. I am working on the guest list and I am having some disagreements with my fiance. My fiance comes from a small town where everybody kinda knows everybody. He used to date this girl for 3-4 years in high school/college and they are still "friends" (they don't hang out or anything but still email every once in a while etc) almost 10 years later. Because of the fact they lived in a small town, a lot of his friends are her(the exs) friends as well, some even still really close to her. Is it wrong for me to tell my fiance I do NOT want the "common" friends there (and some he isn't even that close to anymore)? I don't want them to mention her name, or take pictures of our wedding and show them to the ex.. etc..plus I will feel like I am being compared. He isn't going to invite the ex, obviously...but what should I say to him? Any advice would be helpful. Thanks.
View related questions:
engaged, fiance, wedding Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2007):
I'm wondering why you don't feel comfortable mentioning this to him directly? How are you afraid of seeming, or are you afraid of how he'll respond? My advice would be to tell him your worries and only ask for advice if things start to go wrong and you can't sort it out with him...
A
female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (26 January 2007):
 I am going to sound terrible but three men I went out with in my younger years where at my night time do, and my hubbys ex fiance.
But after being a little intimidated, (and several galsses of champagne) I though WHO CARES! Because he had married ME! And he loved me!!
Probably not much help, but it is just my experience.
...............................
A
male
reader, Dr. Reality Check +, writes (26 January 2007):
 I have to say, your problem is major paranoia about your husbands ex. Remember, he is with YOU now, so why should you give two hoots as to whether she sees the pictures or not. What do you think is the worst that will happen if she does?
Your husband will (probably) only have one wedding in his life and wants the people he knows to share it with him. I think you have to face the fact that this is your own paranoia that people will be talking behind your back or comparing you to her.
Get over yourself!
...............................
A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (26 January 2007):
 I think you need to remember that this is your fiance's day too and he wants friends around him. If his ex still wants to see pics of your wedding she'll see them from someone but doesn't that make her kind of sad? He's marrying you, it's time to stop being jealous of his exes. If he wanted to be with them he'd be marrying them instead.
CD
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2007): Please, please, please… only invite who you really want at your wedding and reception!
You don’t have to invite everyone just ‘cause you have to, No don’t do it.
This is a big celebration for the both of you, and you invite who both of you normally hang with, visit on the holidays etc.
It’s supposed to be a “happy” day. My husband’s family ruined my wedding by inviting their 15th cousins etc., grandparent’s friends etc.
You don’t want to meet ppl at your wedding you want to celebrate and enjoy.
Your husband to be needs to understand that either you don’t feel comfortable with that or your budget doesn’t permit etc. You shouldn’t be put in a situation of being uncomfortable at your wedding (only one of your biggest days, besides being a mom).
I married young and was naive and taken advantage of, but one day I snapped and grew up and send his family to hell. Now they all respect me & give me my position in my house w/my husband. I know a little off topic, I was just venting some old wounds.
Good luck & congrats!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2007): You could tell him that you want to keep it as a fairly small wedding so you both need to limit it to a certain number of close friends. Maybe set a certain number that you each can invite. Hopefully he'll use his invitations for only his closer friends. Good luck
...............................
|
