A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Please help, i found an empty box of ribbed condoms and some viagra on my bf's drawer while i was looking for a dvd he said he has put there. The thing is we don't/NEVER use ribbed condoms and we didn't use them so i don't understand why the box is empty, as for the viagra, we NEVER ever use it.I didnt say anything to him that night, only later the following day that it really bothered me that i sent him a text saying " im not trying to be nasty or anything but next time you know im coming, just put all the stuff you know i shouldnt see away, or throw them out or something,i don't need to know what you've been up to while i wasnt there. if you've cleaned your drawer you know what i'm talking about"Well he didn't reply, nor call.i called him and wanted to see him after like 2 hrs after sending the text and he said he was busy but i went to see him anyway and he wasnt doing anything much. he said he was sleeping thats why he didnt want to see me, i asked if he got my text and he said yes, i stared blankly at him and he didnt say a word except saying he's sorry but he has something to do and will definitely see me tomorrow (which is today).I don't know what to say to him when i see him, was i right in sending that text? What do you guys suggest i do? How do i confront him about the empty box of condoms when he doesn't even want to acknowledge the text, is it because he doesn't know what to say? Any advice please , Thank you. I'm 19 he's 22
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condom, text, viagra Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2008): Shoe … that’s really a KAK one, it took him sometime to come up with that story, or maybe I shouldn’t say that, LOL I just don’t see why he couldn’t have told you that as soon as you asked him about this, well there you have it that’s his explanation for having that, and now the ball is in your court … tell me do you trust and believe what he is telling you is the truth?
If you feel that he is being dishonest and that you cant trust what he’s saying you have to think about your next move carefully, coz if you cant believe and trust him and go back to him, you’ll probably end up under the trust column, if trust is gone and you cant get it back your in for a hard time – this I can guarantee you, you deserve a good man don’t settle for anything less
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2008): hi again
I thought he would be avoiding you, but my angel this is not your fault, ok so their might be 2 reasons he’s avoiding you, he might have something to hide or well he might be pissed that you found the stuff and reacted in the way you did…
But don’t think that you did something wrong, in my personal opinion you had all the right in the world to react the way you did, you have the right to be upset, doesn’t matter what he’s reason is for having those things there. And I still think that he is behaving this way coz he’s got something to hide, and he doesn’t know how to deal with this or tell you the truth,
Perhaps what you should do, is right him a nice text explaining to him how you feel; about your relationship (if u wana try and work this out) tell him how you felt and what you thought when you found those condoms (I mean how would he feel if he found a box of condoms in your handbag) tell him how that hurt you, and why, if you still love him let him know that you want to try and work through this, coz you don’t want to lose him, but you need to know the truth in order for you to trust him completely. Sometimes boys mess up, even though they love us, and yes sometimes you should forgive them, as they are only human themselves, but you need to be sure that this man is being sincere, you must decide for yourself if he is worth your time and worth your trust.
That is if he decides to tell you the truth about the condoms, if he doesn’t my angel then he is not worth it, and you deserve a man that will make you feel like a million dollars not some cheap doormat, if you cant trust him and you said sorry and take him back you will have endless problems, this is not your fault he messed up not you don’t blame yourself keep your head up and smile, South Africa is filled with single men, not all of them good looking and not all of them good men, but I promise you will find someone created especially for you, someone once told me that life is just a series of doors you close one and another opens, and its true, you will find Mr right, just don’t change who you are don’t change your morals and views for anyone, if you did that, the person you are changing them for only likes the image they have of you, not the person you really are.
Keep me posted please
:)
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi all, thnks for the help so far.My dearest bf just called, raging mad! saying he doesn't have to explain himself to me coz he told me that his brother sometimes comes to his room, thats why i once found a pink lip gloss in his room which wasnt mine . Uh but the brother has his own room.So basically he has shifted the blame, he doesnt want to see me coz i came to "sick conclusions" , uhm he's the one angry at me now! wow!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh guess what? he's avoiding me. last nite i sent him a text saying--- "we have to talk, and at some point we will"
To which he replied--- " Don't count on it"
I was really confused and sent another 1 saying--- "whats that supposed to mean?"
To which he replied--- "don't threaten me!"
Did anyone see a threat in those two messages? Well i sent another one and told him i'm not threatening him, and why would he consider talking as a threat, and yes he didn't reply from then...until now, he's not even answering his phone, I didn't see him yesterday coz he made an excuse as to why he can't see me, he was 'busy'.
I sent him another text this morning asking if he is avoiding me, he is yet to reply :(. I don't know why but i'm starting to feel guilty about bringing this up, I'm even thinking of sucking up, I know I didn't do anything wrong but im feeling guilty coz now he's not talking to me (It seems)
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2008): Hi all
If anyone’s interested I apologized to Mr. Decent, and if I have offended anyone else sorry… I really didn’t mean to
K back to the girls, sweet heart please let m know what happens we both from SA we need to stick together when our boys try to treat us bad,
Uh and have a splendid new year, my all your dreams and wishes come true in 2009 coz we all deserve to be happy and loved.
Chow for now
:)
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male
reader, a_decent_1  +, writes (29 December 2008):
 Send him the following message -
This is my LAST MESSAGE. Talk to me or it's over..
Then call him. If he picks up, clear it out and ask him why they were there.. If he does not reply. Text him and let him know that he's a Jerk to use Viagra at 22 and you don't wanna be a jerk's partner..
G'day.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLOL decent 1, "try them out" hmmmmm....
Thanks anyway, you're very right though when you say he'll have an excuse for not talking to me, which is probably what he's doing now...not replying to my texts.
He's actions have guilt written all over them!
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A
male
reader, a_decent_1 +, writes (29 December 2008):
What i wanted to tell you in my first post was that if you would have asked him in a Light mood, he might have just told you why they were there.. !! The way you've texted him, he'll have an excuse for not talking to you.. !!Second, it is NOT uncommen for men to Masturbate by wearing condoms.. He might have just bought the condoms to try them out or probably he would have got any else at that very time.. !! Third, he might take the viagra without telling you.. !! Maybe he thought you'll think he is not MANLY or something like that.. !!Irrespective of any other Posts, that's what I think.. And all i am trying to do is to make you see the other side of it.G'day
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthe viagra came with the ribbed condoms, thats what i'm thinking coz they were inside the box, same brand but they were not sealed so he did take maybe 1 or 2 coz there was still quite a lot.
Just clarifying on the viagra.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2008): Dear Poster
It might have been a lot easier for you if you did approach him in a light hearted manner there and then, on the spot when you discovered the "goods", but I can understand that you were probably shocked, surprised and disappointed; Relax, your text message was not harsh, but informed him that you are aware of the "goods"; his behavior subsequent to that is what is worrying me;
I do suggest you have to be very careful with this situation; Unfortunately I have to warn you that I see some red lights flashing; finding the "goods" which you don't relate to using is one thing, but his behavior after your text message and even more so when you went to see him; sorry that is not what I would expect from a guy that has nothing to hide;if there was a very innocent and logical explanation he should have given it to you straight away.
Personally I think this guy owes you a good explanation and you will have to be very careful that he is not pulling the wool over your eyes.
Communication, honesty, respect and trust are vital to a happy relationship; without those ingredients it will be very difficult to have a happy and successful relationship.
This might not be easy for you, but make sure you get the truth. Don't let him "fool" you.
My thoughts are with you; best wishes and lots of SMILES to you.
Keep us posted.
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female
reader, ladyleesha  +, writes (29 December 2008):
 Yea, that guy from the other country must be a player or something. But yea your right for txting him that, but u should've said something while u was there so he doesn't have time to make an excuse. And what the hell does a 22yr old need viagra for!
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks a lot girly69, i definately will.
And a decent 1, NO NO and NO it wasnt 1 of his friends, they don't come and have sex in his room and leave boxes and viagra in HIS drawer, i mean really now :/
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male
reader, a_decent_1 +, writes (29 December 2008):
Girly69 you are too worried about my post.. You should instead be worried about the topic poster.. !!
Insted of telling her I have no clue, you can give her a better advice.. !!
What I am doing is "not" covering up buddy.. I am giving her advice that it just might not be what she is thinking.. !!
And think thrice before making a Personal comment..
G'day
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2008): Sweet heart this guy who replied to your post doesn’t have a clue what he’s on about, just proof that men always try and cover up for each other even though they are from different countries, LOL. What the hell is he doing with a used box of condoms and Viagra, you were right to send him that text I probably wouldn’t have put it that nicely, you deserve an answer, but don’t let him fool you, that’s probably why he couldn’t see you yesterday, he needed some time to make up an excuse, you must listen to your heart and if your heart is telling you his up to sh!t he probably is, please let me know what he;s excuse was for having that in his drawer.
Happy new year
T
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male
reader, a_decent_1 +, writes (29 December 2008):
You reacted in a wrong way.. You should have asked him 'what this honey' in a light mood right when you saw those things and see what he said..
Now, don't spoil the scene by acting too concerned.. Just let him know in a smooth manner that you saw them and wanted to know why they were there.. Maybe his friend used them on their girlfriend honey..
G'day
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