A
female
age
36-40,
*iteDreamer
writes:I have a problem. About a month ago, after going out and drinking a little bit too much, I made out with this new guy in our grade (lets call him Van). Since then, he has been really sweet and cute and caring towards me, we've gotten to know each other better in school, and he has actually told me that he's pretty sure he likes me a lot. At first, I was sure I didn't feel the same way. I didn't know him that well, and in school he seemed kinda different then on chat or texting; he was sort of more shy and quiet. But now, as a few weeks passed, he's gotten really cool and pretty awesome. I've realized that I'm quickly and sort of uncontrollably growing so dependant of him and miss him so much when he's not around or when we're not talking.There's just one problem. Van has a twin brother (lets call him Dan). Dan is always surrounded by people, he's kind of a lot more physically attractive than Van (they're not identical) and he is your typical "popular" guy. Dan gets with the typical blonde/skinny/slutty girls and always seems to be the center of attention. He's the sort of guy who knows he's hot, and always takes advantage of it.My problem is that whenever I see Dan, I loose my head completely. Something inside me automatically compares the two brothers and I just can't get myself to stop thinking about Dan. Just because he's so much more confident and "cool". And when I'm alone with Van, or hanging out with a lot of people (as long as Dan isn't there), I really think that Van is so amazing. And he likes me so much. And now, he's really fun and awesome as well, I guess he just needed to loose his shyness just a little bit. If Dan didn't exist, Van and I would be dating by now.What can I possibly do? I can't go out with Van because it would be beyond terrible to go out with someone and still drool over his twin brother. I can't go out with Dan because i'm pretty sure he would never go for me and I couldn't hurt Van so badly (he hates his brother and he likes me so much: it wudnt end well).The thing that ruins it the most, is that I've actually gone out and gotten to know Dan a little better in this time, and he's not all that bad; he can also be considerate and not so obnoxious when he tries. Everything is really muddled up in my head and I always feel like the most terrible person in the world for just going for the prettier, "cooler" twin. What's scaring me the most is that I'm pretty sure I'm falling for Van and will get with him again next time we're alone. I'm just terrified of what will happen if it happens, and then on monday I see Dan in school and regret it all.Any advice welcome, I'm completely lost in this whole situation. Dan has everything Van needs and vise versa. Hot vs. cute, cool vs. sweet, i can't resist either of them, just in different ways and for different reasons. Isn't it sad that at some point in time, there could have been the perfect guy born. And then his perfectness got torn appart and put into 2 separate bodies. Twins suck!What can I do?/What should I do?Thanks so much in advance, all this is just unbareable :( I can't make any decisions or make up my mind because as soon as I do, the other one of them makes me loose control of the world around me once again.
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female
reader, Accountable  +, writes (28 September 2009):
 Sounds to me like you are attracted to the idea of going out with Dan - for status, being with the cool attractive guy etc - but are getting what you really need in a relationship from Van. Thats sweetness, caring, security, conversation etc - not empty good looks and charm.
I know if I were you i'd go for Van - and twins don't always suck, I'm with one and its wonderful ;)
But you're right in not making any moves until you're certain; don't lead Van on if you're really attracted to his brother, and same with Dan. Equally, don't settle for Van just because you don't think Dan is attainable!
Only you really know how you feel about both of them, these are just my interpretations. Good luck, i hope everything works out, keep me posted! :) xx
A
female
reader, NiteDreamer +, writes (28 September 2009):
NiteDreamer is verified as being by the original poster of the questionno, this wud b my first. any ideas? altho i'm pretty sure that i'm starting to get over pretty-boy Dan because Van is the most sweetest, nicest caring guy ever. lol i THINK until i see Dan lol... i'm literally torn appart haha
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