A
female
age
41-50,
*ingerrocket
writes:My Husband is leaving me after 19 years and two children together, he has been suffering from depression but whether its a side affect or the cause, I dont know.I have spent years bending over backwards to make the marriage work and he has ended it with a classic 'I just dont love you in that way any more', I dont believe there is anyone else invloved (and believe me I've dug very hard trying to find out!)I cannot express how devastated I am, we are both trying to make things as easy as possible for the children, who are our main concern but how do I stop loving someone who I was going to grow old with and has been the center of my world for so long...... it hurts so much, Help. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, gingerrocket +, writes (14 December 2010):
gingerrocket is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you to all those who took time to reply ,I know I need to except the situation and be strong,yesterday was bad today will be better and tommorow who knows,Im trying to do the one day at the time thing,but sometimes the uncontrallable blubbing and feeling of devestation break through,Im trying to look at it as a bereavement process and accept with time things will be less painfull.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2010): I belive male anon could be right but also sometimes people just grow apart and you may not have anymore things in common and somtimes that is all it takes to make two people incompatible with each other...i know because i have the same thing ..I am only 23 but ive been married to my husband for 8years we have a two year old daughter. I am recently wanted to leave him beacuse i feel like i dont love him anymore and everything he does i dont like maybe its the same with your husband maybe when he looks at you he doesnt feel like he used to its not ur fault or anything you did hes just realizing he no longer wnats to be withsomeone he dosnt love anymore...sorry but you may have to just move on
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2010): As someone who has suffered with depression quite severely, I can see both sides of the coin.
I broke up with my partner of 10 years this spring. I had suffered depression on and off for a couple of years, fairly mild but there, when last summer I got it quite badly.
The problem at the time was that as a result my feelings about lots of things changed. I was totally honest and told my partner that I was very unhappy and that I felt problems in our relationship may be part of the cause but that also I couldn't be 100% sure because it may well be the depression causing me to think that! Very awkward position to be in and even more awkward and hurtful for my partner.
We stuck together, agreeing that there was no point doing anything rash until I was "in a better place". So I went on anti-depressants and had counselling and as I became less depressed I was able to see that it was mostly caused by the problems in our relationship that I had repeatedly tried to improve but was not being supported in by partner. I wanted things to change, she wanted things to stay as they were. My feelings changed as a result.
It could well be that it is the depression speaking rather than the real him, it's hard to tell. I'm afraid all you can really do is be strong for yourself and your children. Whether it is the depression or mid-life crisis or whatever, you've probably not done anything specific to cause this - sometimes people and/or their feelings just change over 19 years and sometimes there is nothing we can do about it. Except be strong, come out the other side and start again.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (13 December 2010):
 I am sorry to hear you are in this situation. I cannot even imagine how much it must hurt.
I believe, however, that, as in any other relationship, time will help you. You have trouble accepting the idea with your heart. Make sure you accept it with your mind, and live accordingly. Eventually you will wake up one fine day and won't feel like giving up the rest of your life because he left.
All the best.
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