A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidPlease read the entire postI am basically from India married for 6 years. I never had any sexual exp before marriage, i.e. i was virgin when i got married, never had a bf too.I was scared of sex when i got married, since i didnt know how that works. So i never realised my husband was incompetent in that dept recently. He always comes before insertion or never gets aroused and was taking some medicines and when i asked about it said he i taking so he would be aroused for a long time and since i didnt know much and i was not really interested since it hurts a lot, i didnt think much about it. We never had sex (if we call what we had as sex) for the past 4-5 years and he never said anything when i told him that i am not interested in sex and he was ok with that. I have seen him masturbating a lot and recently (5-6 months) i am separated from my husband. He is good for nothing kind of fellow, always accuses me of having affair, which i never had and always seeks my assurance that i will never leave him. He is very very submissive, can never retain a job for more than few months, always earn lesser than me, even though i am 7 years younger to himAnyway only while talking to my friend recently i realised my husband is kind of impotent. I asked him for divorce several times and he always threathens he will commit suicide, writing a letter than i am responsible for this. My family are also against my divorce (you know how indian society is against divorce and stuff). BTW we never had kids and he always says its not a pbm if i cant have children, he will never leave for this reason, can you believe this asshole and ofcourse i was so naive to believe that i was the one who had problems in conceving and he is a very very emotional personMy question is, is there a way i can prove that he is impotent, so i can divorce easily and what will i do if he really commits suicide and how do i handle that. Pleas help me, i need to get out of this marriage. Thanks for reading the entire post
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affair, divorce, not interested in sex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (31 December 2011):
 just leave. Cite irreconcilable differences and leave.
If you can't get a divorce, because you are in some shithole state, then separate and break it off.
Move on.
He is a jackass and you are a fool for staying because you can't get a divorce.
Don't allow some legal technicality prevent you from living your life.
A
female
reader, GeeGee255 +, writes (7 March 2011):
 Dear India
In many states the physical inability to engage in sexual intercourse, if it was not disclosed before marriage is legal grounds for divorce. Talk to an attorney.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Honest  +, writes (6 March 2011):
 I'm sorry to hear that you're in such a difficult position. It sounds like you're husband might have some impotency problems, though clearly he can get hard and ejaculate. Perhaps his problem isn't physical but psychological?If what you're saying is that he's never been inside you then I think you can get an enullment of your marriage, which is obviously different to a divorce. Proving that you have never had full penetrative sex might be hard though, and quite possibly, I'm afraid impossible. I think you have to leave this man, and you cannot stay unhappily with him to stop him killing himself forever. He might be saying that to keep you but I do not know. Either way it sounds like he seriously needs professional help. It may also be worth talking to someone professional yourself, especially if he is going to kill himself, because they will help you understand, realise it is not your fault and move on.In regards to your family, have you told them why you want to leave? Because perhaps they would feel differently if they knew half the reason you wanted to leave was to have children? Sad and painful as it is, you have to do what's right for you, whether your parents agree or not. Try talking to them about it, but if they can't see it from your side then you're going to have to put your needs first and hope that they come around. All the best, hope things improve!
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