A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm having trouble moving on after a past relationship that has lasted over ten years. About eight years ago this man had cheated on me, it was like this rollercoaster ride ever since. I was so in love with him and made every effort to work on things. I ended up moving away because it seemed like everytime we ran into each other or arranged visits we would end up at square one. Then he would do it to me again. So over the years I have become this extremely insecure person that is still allowing this person to reel me into false hope. I don't know what to do, outside of asking for a third party to be involved with visits, out of selfishness to avoid getting hurt, because I keep feeling like there's some kind of hope. Ultimately, I don't ever let any man get close enough to me to have any kind of relationship. What can I do? I just want to put it all behind me and don't know how.
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female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (21 November 2010):
 I suggest that you consider talking to a therapist. This relationship sounds like it has affected you deeply and I think you need more help than we can give you here.
Also, I suggest that you end all contact with this guy, as he knows that he has the upper hand with you and you will never have an equal relationship.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (21 November 2010):
 You need to avoid all contact because you are never going to get the security of this man, he is walking all over you and you are letting him so he is never going to take you seriously, delete all of his contact details tell him you need to clear your head and you cant have any more contact with him, yes it is hard i no that but its the only way you are going to get over this and find a man that you can settle down with, if you dont do this then you will be stuck in this rut and wont ever settle down with a man or have a family, so get him out of your life, start going out with friends and meet new people. goodluck.
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A
male
reader, Racna1305 +, writes (21 November 2010):
 Well you need to work on yourself, thing is if you feel insecure it will bleed into your future relationships. You wont trust that person and that guy wont enter a relationship with you with a clean slate. This will turn into another break up and you drawing more and more into yourself where you wont even like yourself. Its how I was and I hated the feeling, and im still fighting myself and keep my current relationship. I know its hard for her I know sometimes I prolly get on her nerves but im trying really hard and sometimes I think I wasnt ready for a relationship because i was like you..insecure because of someone in the past. Dont do that to yourself, go out and live life. Life is too short to hold grudges, feel scared or have this impenetrable guard up which lives you unhappy because no guy wants to deal with it. Live life please...write a list with all the good things about yourself and put it up somewhere you can see it everyday. Keep adding things to it it sounds stupid but hey that worked for me. Im still insecure but no where as bad as I was, when u start feeling better about yourself you gain more confidence, let your guard down and when that one special guy bumps into you then you can give him your all, not your past.
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